A Different Kind of Church Split

In a world that constantly pulls families apart through busy schedules, sports, activities, education, careers and entertainment, I can't help but notice how much our churches inadvertently pull families apart as well.  While it's not intentional and usually for explainable reasons, we have been astounded at the lack of co-ed Sunday School classes or Wednesday night classes in many churches in our area.

We've been visiting quite a few churches over the months looking for a home church and had no clue just how unfamily-friendly most of our Baptist churches are.  And the sad part is, I don't even think many Christians even see what the problem is with churches offering so many men's-only and women's-only classes and the unspoken messages it sends to our children and to the world.  It blows my mind how a family of five can go to church and all five family members have their own classes to attend, from birth right through adult.  Am sure if pet sitting was available, the family dog or cat would even have a place to go as well.

Sometimes I wonder if the reason why there are so many men-only or women-only classes and hardly any couples/co-ed classes is because so many spouses go to church solo or go to church mainly for the kids programs and just attend a class while they are waiting for their kids.  Or maybe it's because of leadership as it's hard to find men or couples willing to lead a class.  Or maybe it's because we feel like we can somehow reach the community better if we divide up the groups in a church so it's not as threatening and overwhelming while at the same time failing to address the marriage crisis in America.  

For years, my husband and I have enjoyed going to church together.  It's our time to be together without the noise of the world bombarding us or trying to pull us apart.  It's our time to learn about God together and to challenge one another in the things that we have heard.  It's our time to reconnect, serve and hopefully be an example to others as we seek to serve God together as a family. 

In our normal week, my husband is gone over 40 hours a week.  When he comes home every night, we have dinner, spend time with our child before bed and then catch up on our things in the evenings before spending time together before we fall asleep.  Yet, it seems like that time together is never enough.  To me, desiring God and desiring to spend that time together with my spouse before God is so special and such a gift that it seems natural to want to go to church together, pray together, sit together and learn together.  Yet we've been discovering just how unnatural that is in today's society as we've been visiting churches that don't offer co-ed classes except for the Sunday morning worship service.  How have we as a church gotten so far away from God's original design for both the family and the church?

I was reminded this week in my son's devotions about the little boy who shared his lunch with Jesus and fed the 5,000 men plus all of the women and children that were present.  Then, I started flipping through the pages in my son's Bible and noticed that that nearly every time there was a crowd around Jesus, it wasn't segregated as the Bible gives info on the crowd makeup (men, women, children).  Sure, there were times when Jesus met alone with men or where women got together on their own, but the fact remains that whenever Jesus taught in a public crowd setting, it was a setting of all ages, genders, marital statuses and races.  Anyone who wanted to hear Jesus could come...His "pulpit" was simply open.

What would happen if our churches got back to how Jesus taught and instead of separating out the husbands and wives brought them back together to learn, worship and sit at Jesus's feet together again?  How would it strengthen and encourage marriages and families as whole instead of as individual units merely coexisting together under one roof?  These questions keep running through my mind as, once again, my husband and I found a neat church but have to enjoy it separately instead of together (or be the only couple under the age of 60 in a co-ed class). 

I don't know what the answer is, but I know that God has given our family a desire to worship Him and serve Him together and we can't afford to settle for anything less than that when it comes to church.  

Have We Lost Our Ability to Be Self-Sufficient?

Though it's been a few weeks since the derecho (the big wind storm) in Central Virginia, life has returned back to normal.  The power is on, phones are working, air conditioners are running and freezers are stocked back up.  Yet as I drive through the county, downed trees and limbs dangling precariously over power lines constantly remind me that it won’t take much to put us back in the dark again.  Am I prepared for the next time? 

One of the biggest questions that kept coming to mind in the days following the storm was, "Have we lost our ability to be self-sufficient by being too self-sufficient?"  That question packs a punch as it can be viewed from many different angles.  And to back it up, I had to smile when I looked up "self-sufficient" at merriam-webster.com and saw how they broke it up into two parts (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-sufficient):

1 : able to maintain oneself or itself without outside aid : capable of providing for one's own needs
2 : having an extreme confidence in one's own ability or worth

So, the question becomes, "Have we lost our ability to 'provide for [our] own needs" by 'having extreme confidence in [our] own ability or worth'?"

As a society, have we been so comfortable that we have forgotten what it's like to be uncomfortable?

Have we been so confident in our luxuries that we freak when we experience inconvenience and find ourselves hot and sweaty (and not because of our workouts)? 

Have we failed to prepare because tragedy doesn't happen here, it happens elsewhere? 

Have we relied so much on convenience that we lost our ingenuity and resourcefulness? 

Have we become so caught up in our own corners of the world that we don't know how to extend and even receive invitations and offers for help and relief? 

I was amazed to watch the fallout of the storm via Facebook, Twitter and blogs. Everyone was thinking the power would be out just a couple days but once it extended past Days 2 and 3, Facebook statuses became frustrated.  Another day out, anger.  Another day out, desperation.  Another day out, despair.  When the power came back on, life resumed as normal and not much has been said about it ever since. 

Through technology, I watched friends offer other friends invitations to come over for showers, relief from the heat and a good meal. But I also repeatedly witnessed these same friends turning down invitations and later complaining on Facebook about their plight. 

Help was offered yet it wasn't accepted, why? 

Has it become easier to complain about our circumstance on Facebook than it is to do something about it? 

Does it seem more status-worthy to tough it out than it does to accept an invitation? 

Are we more comfortable talking through our technology at each other than be in the same room talking with each other? 

This storm brought about a great chance for observation, a chance to see my generation in action when life is interrupted.  Sometimes, it bothers me what I see within my generation.  But then I have to turn it around and look at myself before I can say too much. 

What did my own Facebook statuses reveal during that time? 

Did I make the most of the chances to impart encouragement and hope to those who were stuck back home without power while we waited it out at my in-laws? 

How can I model healthy self-sufficiency for others yet also be the one to have enough to extend invitations for help and relief to others at the same time? 

Then, I can't help but look at the spiritual application--have we lost our ability to be self-sufficient by being too self-sufficient? 

Have we lost our ability to connect with God, seek Him and make Him the center of our lives by silently demanding control of our lives through our over-filled calendars and our attempts to make life happen how we want it to happen? 

Have we reduced our faith to something that we use whenever hard times hit or leave God in the background until we suddenly need something? 

Have we traded in our ability to change the world for discontent because we want more than the little assignments that God has given us today, failing to realize that Luke 16:10 holds one of the greatest truths to impacting our world? 

And, trust me, this is just the beginning of all the questions that the derecho brought to my mind!  Weeks later and my mind is still a jumbled mess as I reflect, pray and figure out “how do I become a light in my generation?”  Because “derecho” is the Spanish word for “straight”, I find it so fitting that God would purposefully choose to answer that question with Proverbs 4:25-27:  "Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions.  Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you.  Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust." (MSG) 

Such truth is found in these verses as it reminds me that we need to be self-sufficient enough to realize that storms will come and go and it's how we walk through them that will either shine Light (Christ) or darkness (the world) to my generation.