Schooled By a Six Year Old

 Matthew 18:1-10 (MSG) "At about the same time, the disciples came to Jesus asking, “Who gets the highest rank in God’s kingdom?” For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, “I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. What’s more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me. "But if you give them a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you’ll soon wish you hadn’t. You’d be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck. Doom to the world for giving these God-believing children a hard time! Hard times are inevitable, but you don’t have to make it worse—and it’s doomsday to you if you do. “If your hand or your foot gets in the way of God, chop it off and throw it away. You’re better off maimed or lame and alive than the proud owners of two hands and two feet, godless in a furnace of eternal fire. And if your eye distracts you from God, pull it out and throw it away. You’re better off one-eyed and alive than exercising your twenty-twenty vision from inside the fire of hell. “Watch that you don’t treat a single one of these childlike believers arrogantly. You realize, don’t you, that their personal angels are constantly in touch with my Father in heaven?" 

Ouch! That verse hit me square between the eyes this afternoon as I found myself questioning if my child understood the choices he was making about Halloween.

Because of NoNut's severe nut allergies, Halloween is full of its own "frights" for us and we've been on the fence about how to approach it this year.  PaNut kept telling me to let NoNut decide what he wants to do, but we've always taken NoNut to church for Halloween...it's tradition!  However, PaNut was right! After listening to NoNut, I had no clue that he was so apprehensive about Halloween. NoNut pointed out that he has dealt with a lot of nut situations and new situations at churches over the past two months that he just wanted to spend the evening at home.

PaNut told us how his father would hide candy around the house on Halloween for all of the boys, so when NoNut heard that, Halloween took on a new meaning!  Yet, NoNut surprised us and wanted to take it a step further than finding candy. He wanted to hand out Halloween tracts and candy to the kids in our neighborhood.

Oh me and my mouth--why couldn't I have just left it at that?  I'm like, "Are you sure that's what you want to do? You're going to give up going to play games, bounce houses, candy, etc. to stay home and hand out tracts?" As soon as I caught myself saying those things, I was like "Ergh!!! WHAT AM I DOING??!! Be happy and excited that your child is choosing this!" It was so deja-vu of his salvation experience (http://blessedtobemeagain.blogspot.com/2013/02/5-year-olds-can-get-it.html) as I found myself going back to those familiar patterns and failing to let NoNut be the unique child that God designed him to be!

And then before dinner, we had a situation happen that showed me just how right on target NoNut is about what is most important in this life when our neighborhood "Dennis the Menace" came toddling over to our house. This little guy knows exactly when we put a foot outside.  It's easy to sigh or run to the car/house real quick before he catches us.  But tonight, my child reminded me of the importance of slowing down and making the most of every interruption.

NoNut played soccer with this little child and after awhile, the boys took a break. As the three of us were sitting on the porch, the little boy told us how the police came and took his daddy away because his daddy was being mean to his mommy and how he can't come home again.  How that little boy tried to be brave as he told us what happened but then the tears came as he told us how much he missed his dad. My heart broke and tears came to the surface as I looked over to see how NoNut was handling all of this grown-up information and all I saw was pure compassion in my child's eyes.

NoNut reached over and tried to console his little friend the best he knew how...with humor. After a few timid laughs from both of them, they were back in the yard kicking the ball.

To see the compassion in my child's eyes, to hear his excitement over giving the garbage men water and having the guys finally stop and talk with him this afternoon after months of giving them drinks, and to see him choosing to trade in Halloween fun for a different kind of fun versus my caution-filled responses to him that probably stifle more than encourage remind me of the principles in Matthew 18:1-10.

May I no longer be the mom that can't let go long enough for God to use my child.  May I no longer be the mom that questions the simplicity of a faith-filled decision.  May I no longer find a verse and chapter and give a long "spiritual" narrative to go along with everything and simply let my child experience God for himself and in his own ways.  And may I not "...treat a single one of these childlike believers arrogantly. You realize, don’t you, that their personal angels are constantly in touch with my Father in heaven?" (Matthew 18:10)  Who am I to get in the way of that?

Playlist Memories

"You hold my very moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You, Lord I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
Oh, I believe"

These words from the song, "Healer", came across my mp3 as I was doing the dishes this morning...instantly taking me back to the cold, lonely, dark, starry night on top of the Snowflex Mountain two winters ago.  We had just gotten more devastating news about my sister that sealed her fate with NF2 (http://www.nf2is.org/misme.php).  She has it, it's progressing and there is no turning back now.  I felt like I had gotten the wind knocked out of me as I realized that God could do something about this.  He could take all of this away from her and my family.  But instead of taking it away, we kept learning of more and more tumors (the doctor used the phrase, "Too many to count."). 

That night, I had to escape and just be alone to process the news that we had heard.  It seemed like no one understood what we were going through, not even my own husband.  He tried the best he could, but this wasn't his flesh and blood.  He doesn't know my sister like I do nor did he watch her grow up and have the love/not-so-love sister relationship that makes our relationship so unique.  I don't remember where my parents were that night, but I remember feeling like I've tried so hard to keep it together and be strong for everyone since her brain surgery but it all came crumbling down that night.

I thought I ran out of faith that night.  All I could see was my sister's face and her future.  How I hurt for her and all that was being taken away from her.  I remembered questioning God and asking Him why us.  We had already been through one brain surgery with her...that's enough!  I gave Him a list of why we shouldn't be going through this.  It included statements like, "This happens to other people, older people, people with problems, people who ____ (fill in the blank with whatever and that was probably uttered)...not us."  My rationality was that we've now experienced the other side of the prayer request and pain that many of those we've ministered to have been on.  We saw firsthand how the usual Christian catch phrases uttered from a place of well-meaning often stung rather than helped.  Now it just seemed like it was time for God to take it all away...not keep adding to it. 

As I cried, yelled and questioned God, His creation spoke.  And as creation spoke, this song came across my MP3 that made the tears fall as my heart ached like never before.  It was like while the world was crashing in on us, the beautiful stars against the dark night sky shouted of God's faithfulness.  There was no denying Him!  God placed every star in that sky as much as He knew about every tumor in my sister's head even the little ones that became too numerous for the doctors to count. 

At that moment, I felt utter despair but then rising hope as I listened to the words of "Healer", saw God's creations in the sky and made that intentional choice to keep believing.  I wanted to believe, but this would require a level of faith that I didn't yet have. 


The song became more powerful as I changed the words and sang it through the tears:

You hold her very moment
You calm her raging seas
You walk with her through fire
And heal all her disease
I trust in You, I trust in You

I believe You're her healer
I believe You are all she needs
I believe

And I believe You're her portion
I believe You're more than enough for her
Jesus You're all she needs

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold her world in Your hands.

Day by day, God began giving me the faith I needed to trust Him.  He was faithful to remind me of Himself through this song as it randomly played on the radio or in Lifeway or by flipping channels when nothing else was on (love Sirrus on DirecTV)! 

God's got my sister in His hands!  He has not forgotten about her!  And He still gives her miracle after miracle...from the very first one of her secret desire for nice pjs for the hospital (which someone gave her a pair with something as specific as frog buttons that my sister had wanted) to shrinking tumors in the midst of growing ones in her last report! 

My sister is on a NF2 page where she sees this condition at its worst as lives are taken away by these tumors and surgeries.  Her condition, though it has taken away a lot of her hearing, is mild compared to many.  God has given her a full life and a renewed desire for Him.  He's using her to share her faith within the NF2 community...a place where hardships are seen daily and where hope is lost with new reports of tumors or paralysis or loss of bodily functions.  She can relate to the other NF2ers in ways we never can and share God's love and truth with people who are closed off to Him. 

This morning, as "Healer" came across my MP3, the tears flowed once again as I was taken back to that night on the mountain two winters ago.  The realization of just how many of our moments God has been holding in His hands and how far He has walked with us through the fire brings me to my knees.  God's promises of eventual healing are still here--it's guaranteed (Rev. 21:4)!  But what God wants most is for us to keep trusting Him and trusting that He is who He says He is no matter what the situation may be.  Nothing is impossible for Him.  Today, I needed to be reminded of how far God has brought all of us and how He is still carrying us through everything!  We are not alone!  What a God!

 

City Girl Meets Cave

Below is what I shared with some of my friends about the big cave experience that ended up being the highlight of our 10th anniversary trip!  (For those who aren't into group/forum lingo, DH refers to my husband/dear husband.)

 

Have to share the biggest highlight of our 10th anniversary trip. Well, DH and I have gotten into geocaching. We found a cache in PA about 40 min from where we were staying that just piqued our interest. It was an Indiana Jones themed cache w/an "ark" and it's in a real cave. DH has been so into that but I knew from the start, "No way, we could never do that!" I'm not athletic and am as about as girly as they come. I don't like being in the woods or doing anything strenuous that involves the outdoors (and dirt and bugs). So, I wrote it off as a "maybe some day/probably never" type of thing. But, as time went on, DH would talk about this cave to the guys so I knew he really wanted to do it, but I was set against it (esp. since the cache description talks about boulders, needing climbing gear, being safe, etc.).

After caching all the way up to PA, I told DH the cave one is on the way to our hotel. And on a complete whim, we both decided to at least attempt it...esp. since we were so close. The hike there was your average hike through the woods (but pretty bcs the leaves were changing up there). We got to the "boulders" where the cave is located and DH was beaming and determined to find this cache.

Well, I'm 5 ft and have short legs and am um, overweight...so climbing up those rocks seemed impossible. Must admit that I did sit on the ground and literally cry bcs I knew I couldn't keep up w/DH and I knew how badly he wanted to find this cache. He went on w/o me and here I am in some strange state, in woods w/creepy bugs and left alone on the trail.  All of these fears of DH falling down into the cave and no help nearby started coming to mind. I decided it was probably better to pray than cry.

It was pretty cool, bcs God totally gave me the courage, strength and determination to climb the rocks to the cave and help DH search for the right part of the cave/opening. Couldn't believe I actually climbed the rocks (slid down one bcs I lost my footing on loose soil) and was still excited about the cache. DH finally found the entrance and you should've seen his smile! It made it worth it. But in order to get to the cache, you had to literally crawl in it and wiggle on your back between the rocks to get in the cave! Yeah right!

After seeing DH's delight and excitement and then realizing "hey, I'm actually doing this!" and the pure adrenaline of it all, I went right in the cave w/o hesitation. DH went in first and came back out to get me. He was so encouraging and patient and walked me through it step by step. He was so calm and gentle. And then when we got to the ark cache, it was just amazing! It was like, "WE DID IT!!!!!" It wasn't the cache, but the fact that we did what we thought was impossible and overcame! It was such a special couple moment for us and something I don't know how to express in words!

It was also such a powerful picture of our 10 yrs of marriage as we've faced life together and how DH has been there every step of the way. I so often fail to realize all the support that he is and take him for granted more often than not and forget how good I seriously have it! He's always so quiet and easy going about life...doesn't take much to please him and he's easy to get along with (lol, and that frustrates me more often than not bcs I want him to show emotion but he's seriously fine w/life...lol).

Together in that cave, God reminded me of everything that DH is and it was such a powerful moment together! The pure accomplishment of finding the cave cache was huge and I absolutely loved listening to DH's chatter all the way back to the car about finding the cache and his thoughts on it (it was probably the most I've heard him talk at one time in years)! It was like that impossible-but-possible feat set the tone for our whole vacation and made us see each other and our relationship through new eyes...we're worth fighting for, our family is worth fighting for, living as God wants us to live even though it makes us "odd" (aka homeschooling and standing up for various issues w/n the church, etc) is worth fighting for. Together, we can do it...we're a team and that's how we need to be approaching some of these challenges we've been facing!

This cave experience opened up the door for some special conversations and just a willingness to really listen to each other during our vacation and we even made a plan on how to keep "the cave experience" alive in our marriage (aka intentional date nights). It was just neat to rekindle that flame even if it meant going in a scary cave and getting all stinky, hot, majorly sweaty and dirty (messed up my favorite pair of jeans before we even made it to check-in at our hotel...a girl's gotta have her favorite comfy jeans on vacation...but I made do w/the stiff, uncomfy spare pair...lol). Anyway, even today, we were talking about the cave experience and how we couldn't believe we did it! It's one of those special couple moments that we'll never forget! ...Just had to share (pics coming)!

btw, I did make it clear to DH that this does not mean I've become Mrs. Wilderness by any means....it will be a lloonngg time before I do something like that again! Gimme my sidewalks and paved trails!!!!