Tonight, our family was nervous about letting NoNut go to a new class at a new-to-us church with teachers we have never met before. It takes a certain level of trust to leave your severely allergic child in someone else's care. It is life or death and we only have one chance to get it right.
While all churches say they welcome anyone, some are outright inconvenienced by children who are a little bit different while others embrace different with open arms and no outward hesitation. We have visited churches where, after explaining the epipens and allergies and sensing feelings of inconvenience and unwillingness to deal with it, we've marched NoNut right out of the classroom to sit with us in big church. Then we've had other churches that listened, saw beyond the allergies to the little boy that NoNut is and have embraced him and his allergies regardless of inconvenience. Those are the children's workers that have restored our faith in church and in humanity. We never know which kind of children's workers we're going to encounter whenever we visit a church and we've visited enough churches over the past six months that nothing surprises us anymore.
I have to admit that I was nervous all day about going to church tonight and leaving NoNut in a new class with people we didn't know. As much as I tried to hide it, I know NoNut picked up on it for when we arrived at the church, our little guy had those big, unsure eyes. I didn't want to look at him when he hesitated at my car door because he would see that my eyes matched his. I didn't know what to do but what we always do whenever we encounter moments like this: pray. I held NoNut close and whispered a prayer of protection and courage over him. He let out a little sob as nerves were taking over and then relaxed in my arms by the end of the prayer.
I couldn't help but silently thank God for this moment with my son...a prayerful, tender moment where we both knew that all we could do was trust God and have courage to walk into that church. It was a mother/son moment mixed with pure vulnerability, togetherness and faith. It was a moment that doesn't happen by chance but rather by a continual pouring into our child's life through sharing, praying, loving and discipling him...things we wouldn't have known about on a deeper level if we didn't have this homeschool journey to bring us back together as a family.
Homeschooling can be tough at times because it is life-on-life discipleship even in the moments of struggle. It's where faith is strengthened or hindered as your child gets a first-hand look at how you handle diverse situations. Do you live out everything you've been teaching him or cower in fear and portray the "do as I say but not as I do" mentality?
It's like homeschooling has this built-in layer of accountability as struggles become a teachable moments that reveals something about our human nature and about the character of God. What does it say to my child when we pray when we are nervous about new situations? And what does it say when God heard that whispered prayer in the parking lot and answered by giving him a teacher who understands allergies and has a granddaughter who requires similar care and could reassure him (and me) that she could take care of him?
Needless to say, we will be starting off our homeschool tomorrow with even more precious moments as we praise God together as family for how God answered our prayers at church tonight. There is just something powerful and special about going through life together as family and learning more through life moments like these than moments scripted in a textbook.
Thursday, March 20
Sunday, March 16
Leadership Things I Know but Don't Know
This weekend, we attended the HEAV Leadership Conference for those leading homeschool support groups and co-ops. It was the first time I attended anything "leadership" since stepping down from lay ministry leadership and taking a year hiatus from it all.
There were many times I second-guessed my decision to step down, but I knew it was necessary. I didn't realize how much that one-year off was changing and shaping me until I was at the leadership conference this weekend. All the waiting, all the tears, all the people left behind, all the emotionally-charged prayers and all the waiting (again) was really pruning in disguise after all. There was rhyme and reason (and even rhythm) when, at times, it seemed like there was nothing left except wondering if God had forgotten about me in the desert.
Listening to the keynote while being on this side of things was enlightening. How I wished I had known all of this a few years ago before going into myMISSION/WMU. Yet sometimes, experience leaves that lasting impression that words could never reach.
Things I heard and read about in 2011 that didn't make sense, made perfect sense this weekend as everything came around in a full circle! This weekend was a much needed building block that gave me hope and a renewed purpose to keep moving forward as God leads even if it's not what I envisioned for myself and for my family. I need to keep praying, waiting and seeing this process through until God produces His desired result!
The keynote speaker encouraged us to read Exodus 17-18 which is one of my favorite leadership passages. Yet, I realized this weekend that I have never sought to understand it and that is why I keep missing the mark! This Exodus passage, the keynote and even other leaders I spoke with kept pointing out in roundabout ways that leadership is discipleship (aka relationship)...nothing more, nothing less! It's not what you do or are qualified to do nor what you have done in the past nor your potential for the future. It's not about the accolades and glowing recommendations you receive nor about the number or groups that you have led. I know that, but I don't "know" that at the same time. The achiever/doer in me still tries to prove that I'm the leader everyone thinks I am while Christ in me is begging to silence that so that I can simply "be" before Him so His overflow in my life is what I am giving to others.
Several times this weekend, the keynote talked about how leadership is pouring into people what God has poured into us and helping them become more like Jesus. That is what the definition of discipleship is. Whenever we lead in that mindset, we are continually passing on to others rather than holding on and doing things ourselves and merely having people follow us...another thing I know but don't "know"!
The other thing that kept jumping out at me this weekend was how much a leader needs to let go! Part of the letting go is clearly defining expectations and directions to the team and then removing my hands from it and letting the team have the experience so they can learn and grow, too. I look back at my WMU days and see where I had the verbiage and thought I was letting people learn on their own. And they did do things and did them well but according to how I wanted them done and to my approval, never fully relinquishing control or giving enough trust in the team I had. If leadership is discipleship, then I must clearly and fully communicate (rather than assume), instruct (rather than give info), and then step back (rather than making sure it's always done right). I'm really seeing why some things worked and other things didn't with myMISSION/WMU and why some of the leadership hurdles tripped me up.
Here I am one year later and this leadership hiatus has changed my priorities, shifted mindsets and raised questions that I haven't been able to answer. However, yesterday, I was reminded of the fact that leadership is about continually passing on to others. So, what is it I am passing on? How am I passing it on? And, why am I passing it on? The answers to these questions remove the indecision and bring clarity and focus. I am reminded that God has a distinct plan for leadership and if I follow it as outlined in Exodus 18:17-23 rather than follow any human leader or man-made leadership ideal, the same mistakes will not be made twice!
There were many times I second-guessed my decision to step down, but I knew it was necessary. I didn't realize how much that one-year off was changing and shaping me until I was at the leadership conference this weekend. All the waiting, all the tears, all the people left behind, all the emotionally-charged prayers and all the waiting (again) was really pruning in disguise after all. There was rhyme and reason (and even rhythm) when, at times, it seemed like there was nothing left except wondering if God had forgotten about me in the desert.
Listening to the keynote while being on this side of things was enlightening. How I wished I had known all of this a few years ago before going into myMISSION/WMU. Yet sometimes, experience leaves that lasting impression that words could never reach.
Things I heard and read about in 2011 that didn't make sense, made perfect sense this weekend as everything came around in a full circle! This weekend was a much needed building block that gave me hope and a renewed purpose to keep moving forward as God leads even if it's not what I envisioned for myself and for my family. I need to keep praying, waiting and seeing this process through until God produces His desired result!
The keynote speaker encouraged us to read Exodus 17-18 which is one of my favorite leadership passages. Yet, I realized this weekend that I have never sought to understand it and that is why I keep missing the mark! This Exodus passage, the keynote and even other leaders I spoke with kept pointing out in roundabout ways that leadership is discipleship (aka relationship)...nothing more, nothing less! It's not what you do or are qualified to do nor what you have done in the past nor your potential for the future. It's not about the accolades and glowing recommendations you receive nor about the number or groups that you have led. I know that, but I don't "know" that at the same time. The achiever/doer in me still tries to prove that I'm the leader everyone thinks I am while Christ in me is begging to silence that so that I can simply "be" before Him so His overflow in my life is what I am giving to others.
Several times this weekend, the keynote talked about how leadership is pouring into people what God has poured into us and helping them become more like Jesus. That is what the definition of discipleship is. Whenever we lead in that mindset, we are continually passing on to others rather than holding on and doing things ourselves and merely having people follow us...another thing I know but don't "know"!
The other thing that kept jumping out at me this weekend was how much a leader needs to let go! Part of the letting go is clearly defining expectations and directions to the team and then removing my hands from it and letting the team have the experience so they can learn and grow, too. I look back at my WMU days and see where I had the verbiage and thought I was letting people learn on their own. And they did do things and did them well but according to how I wanted them done and to my approval, never fully relinquishing control or giving enough trust in the team I had. If leadership is discipleship, then I must clearly and fully communicate (rather than assume), instruct (rather than give info), and then step back (rather than making sure it's always done right). I'm really seeing why some things worked and other things didn't with myMISSION/WMU and why some of the leadership hurdles tripped me up.
Here I am one year later and this leadership hiatus has changed my priorities, shifted mindsets and raised questions that I haven't been able to answer. However, yesterday, I was reminded of the fact that leadership is about continually passing on to others. So, what is it I am passing on? How am I passing it on? And, why am I passing it on? The answers to these questions remove the indecision and bring clarity and focus. I am reminded that God has a distinct plan for leadership and if I follow it as outlined in Exodus 18:17-23 rather than follow any human leader or man-made leadership ideal, the same mistakes will not be made twice!
Exodus 18:17-23 (MSG):
"Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people’s representative before God and bring their disputes to him. Teach them his decrees and instructions, and show them the way they are to live and how they are to behave. But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied.”
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