On the Receiving End of a R.A.K.

We made a quick trip to the grocery store this morning before homeschool.   Today, my goal was to make bone broth because I've heard so many things about it's healing properties.  Since my son (NoNut) and I picked up another virus (after two months of sickness), we are game for anything that might give our immune systems a boost.  And while I'm sick, NoNut wants to "be the man" and take care of his mama while daddy is at work. 

So while we were at the grocery store, NoNut pushed the grocery cart, followed every instruction, loaded the bags into the cart and then pushed the cart to the van.  While I began unloading the groceries in the van, this older gentleman approached us.

He spoke directly to NoNut and said, "Young man, I noticed you being a helper and I wanted to give this you."  He proceeded to give NoNut a wooden dog.  He told us that he was a retired state trooper and likes to make little things to give away to those he sees helping others.  He affirmed NoNut for helping his mom and encouraged him to keep on helping others. 

It was so random, so out-of-the-ordinary!!  As quickly as he approached us, he quickly turned around and left.  It totally caught me off-guard but we at least remembered to thank him. 

As soon as the man left, NoNut got all excited and said, "Mom, I'm going to name him Attentive!"  Attentive?  For a dog's name???  NoNut proceeded to explain how he had been attentive, available and showed compassion by helping me in the store because I was sick.  It was quite a light-bulb moment for him and he received quite a confidence boost through this surprise gift.

Attentiveness (listening with your eyes, ears and heart), availability (being willing to attend to a need when I am called to help) and compassion (being willing to expend effort to help alleviate the suffering of those in need) are some of the character qualities that we have been learning about nearly every night for the past 12 weeks during family worship (based around Character Concepts curriculum).  This random act of kindness (R.A.K.) was a moment from God as He used this man to reinforce these character traits in my son in a practical and memorable way! 

On the way home, we talked about how others are watching us.  This man didn't have to say or do anything, but he saw my son's helpfulness and wanted to simply bless him.  While it's kind of eerie to think that someone was observing us in the parking lot, it was such a powerful reminder that we are always revealing something about our character even in the tiniest of things.  What are we showing others about ourselves and most importantly, about our God? 

The Missing Ingredient

We have struggled the past 5 1/2 weeks of homeschooling to have a "normal" day.  The transition from kindergarten to first grade has been bumpy as our typical 45 minute to 1-1/2 hour school day jumped to three, four, sometimes five hours a day!  It blew my mind how much time we were taking for school when we only added in reading and spelling to our Bible, history, language arts, math and science.

After Week 4, I sat down to compare last year to this year in order to figure out what was drastically different and why things weren't "clicking" as much for us. One thing really stood out. We were doing Bible last instead of first!  My child was so eager about starting off with handwriting first (getting the worst over first) that I didn't want to lose his eagerness by taking time to do Bible and pray first.  And in turn, I lost sight of our homeschooling priorities. 

As I reflected on this year, I saw how much we rushed through or even skipped our Bible lessons because we were tired by the fourth hour of school.  My son was no longer alert and essentially shut down.  I would then get frustrated with him because he wouldn't pay attention.  And of course, I instantly felt guilty for getting upset with him as the Bible lay open on my lap.  ...You know the cycle!

Last week and this week, we purposefully moved Bible back to the beginning of our school day.  The first day we did that, I was reminded of the sweetness of sharing the Word together and the priceless, unrushed moments of hearing what was on my son's heart as we shared prayer requests and prayed together over them.  That sweetness was rarely there in the hurry and tiredness.  After Bible, our day went without a hitch and we were done with school in two hours!

I was a bit skeptical that one day of "doing school right" (with Bible first) really could make that much of a difference.  But, the trend continued the rest of the week and into this week, until today.  Today we couldn't get our act together and everything took much longer than usual which made our school day five hours long (with breaks).  The difference:  we rushed through Bible and forgot to pray because we took a rabbit trail that tied into science.  

After today, I know that our homeschool needs God first before any other subject is discussed.  It's non-negotiable!  We need God's Word to instruct us.  We need His insight to teach us how to love one another. And, we need that quiet time before Him to invite Him into our day and into our school.  It requires intentionality.  It requires trusting that God will help my child do those harder subjects later.  And it requires knowing what is most important for a godly education; otherwise, my child would just be getting an education and God has called us to more than that!  

Unpredictability & Callings

It seems like with every day of homeschooling, we are slipping farther and farther away from my picture of what homeschooling should look like.  I'm also coming to the conclusion that every year is different from the previous year which leaves room for major unpredictability!

I feel like I'm tweaking so much with Sonlight Core B and Sonlight's Language Arts 1 as we naturally speed up in some areas and slow down in others.  The neat, orderly Instructor's Guide that I lived by last year has already become a jumbled mess this year as the days, weeks and pages no longer coordinate with each other as we jump around (yes, I'm Type A to the core).  And then, I hear this tiny voice in the background saying, "Welcome to homeschooling!"  Everything I read about in blogs last year, I was like, "Oh, I'm glad that's not us!" or "They must not be doing something right if they are having those problems."  Oh man, little did I know that would soon be me and now I'm feverishly running back to those blogs searching for answers! ;) 

Last year, our homeschool worked like clockwork. For the most part, my child was very compliant and excited about school.  Yet this year, a month into our school year, and we've yet to have a "normal" school week, much less school day.  My child is compliant when he wants to be, but it's not been without a power struggle despite our classroom rules and consequences.

Today was the never-ending school day as we just couldn't get our act together.  I'm feeling the pressure of deadlines and other things outside of our school life as I try to pick some ministry-related things back up.  The juggling act is starting up once again as I'm feeling the pull between home and ministry.  I want to be focused on homeschooling yet my mind is in a constant whirl with thinking, planning, writing and prepping for some ministry events ahead. 

Each day that I say "yes" to something outside of our homeschool realm, the more I feel the pull and struggle to stay focused here at home. That translates into a rushed school day where we get school done to get it done rather than slow down and enjoy the learning process.  Needless to say, that easily fuels power struggles and impatience.  ...Not a place I want to go back to! 

Yet at the same time, I keep asking "What about the call to lay ministry and local missions that God put on my heart all of these years?"  What do I do when I see that God wants me here at home to disciple and educate my child more than He wants me serving the local church?  I've tried hard to mix the two but both are full-time callings and I'm only one person with limitations.  Yet every day as my strength and health improve, I try to pick back up the old things only to realize all over again that that season has passed.  It's bittersweet.  Some days, that fact brings tears as I feel a grieving period for what once was.  And other days, it brings much joy because I'm finally beginning to accept that God wants me at home for a season.  I keep wrestling over the big question of "Who am I after I lay down that call to ministry for a season?"   

Despite the fact that I really don't know the answer to that, God keeps using the unpredictability of this school year to show me that there is more to His calling than the church.  I've been living life in one way through one channel for so long that I've never considered any other possibilities.  What if being wife and mom is the highest calling of them all?  What if it requires more to disciple my child than it does to disciple others?  What if it means altering everything including my educational ideals for my child in order to focus on the things that really matter long after the textbooks have come and gone? 

So far this year, the days that we have enjoyed the most were the days when our curriculum challenged our thinking and prompted conversations with my first grader that went way beyond education.  There have been days when I couldn't push reading and math anymore because there were basic character issues and heart issues that needed to be addressed.  Sometimes, these character and heart issues are more of a hindrance to learning than anything else.  I refuse to keep putting on temporary band-aids in order to check off a box in our Instructor's Guide because the boxes will always be there to check off, but this teachable, pliable moment with my child might not be. 

As I wish God would make it ever-so-clear to me what my calling is, I'm seeing that He has already made it clear and is continuing to make it clear in spite of my questions and hesitations.  As scary as unpredictability is, it is where I see the beauty and blessings of life the most.  It's where God is working.  And, it feels like home to me...literally and figuratively.