Days Like Today...

Some days, I seriously question why in the world we are homeschooling!  Mainly these questions pop up after an exhausting battle-of-the-wills type of day where even Lisa Welchel would be stumped to come up with a "Creative Correction" for my creative child! 

But, these questions faded off into the distance as some major prayer, perspective, alone time (well, it was in the form of a solo trip to Walmart, but I'm not ashamed to claim it), and a mom-only splurge at Dairy Queen refreshed this worn-out mama! 

Of all of the clever (but defiant or attitude-filled) things that my child said today, three moments really stand out! 

1.  My 6 year old was at the window longing to be outside riding his bike with the neighborhood kids.  But, since it was a struggle all day for NoNut to pay attention or to even have motivation to do his work, our school day was done in chunks.  By 4:30 p.m., we weren't even halfway through our day because character training, discipline, nap time and time outs took precedence over education.

I told NoNut that he could not play outside until all of his school work was completed.  He moped over to the kitchen table and sat down roughly with his copywork.  Then, he said matter-of-factly, "I'm going to shortcut the system!" (Huh???  From a 6 yr old???!!!)  And my child proceeded to "shortcut" his handwriting assignment in hopes of riding bikes.  After what we had gone through today, NoNut did not disappoint (he is a cross between my husband and I after all)! 

NoNut's idea of "shortcutting the system" was to write the first and last letter of each word of his copywork and hope I didn't notice that the rest of the letters were missing.  He proudly turned in his work with no reservations and was even appalled that I made him redo it correctly! 

2.  Earlier this afternoon, NoNut was whining over math.  (Did I mention that everything was a struggle today?)  He made a comment about needing to get on his superpowers.  And that is when I had had enough of all the make-believe play and talk.  I informed my child that he is not Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, or any other Ninja Turtle!  And his look was one of pure shock, horror and disbelief that I would tell him that he was not a Ninja Turtle.  That was one of those mom-phrases that I never dreamed I'd be uttering in my lifetime, but the look on his face was priceless!  

3.  We ended our long, drawn-out school day by closing out our zoology unit.  We were discussing ocean life and why fish travel in schools.  I asked NoNut to pretend that he was a fish all by himself in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.  Of course, we had the map and globe and he had to point out exactly where he was swimming (which at that point, my patience was shot).  I then went on to tell NoNut that a shark was coming up on him.  What would he do?  Where would he hide?  What happens next?  I was writing down notes from today and was waiting for NoNut to tell me his answers.  But, all I heard was silence.  Oh, I felt the emotions rising and I was done...no more!  However, out of the corner of my eye, I see this little smirk and noticed NoNut's eyes were looking at his finger which was pointed upward toward heaven.  All of a sudden, I realized that NoNut was answering my question after all!  And, he was right!!  Laughter bubbled out of me as I realized that we had quite a day and that we will have really off days (thankfully, it doesn't happen quite often over here), but it truly is okay!  At the end of the day, this is my child, not my student!

NoNut has a unique, creative, humor-filled brain that is so opposite from my serious, task-oriented brain and it's such a joy to see how his brain works.  These are moments with him that I'll never get back and moments to be cherished rather than wished away out of frustration.  And while some moments bring out the worst in us, other moments bring out the best in us!  All of these moments become reminders that I'm every bit of a work in progress as my child is.  Heidi St. John, author and homeschool mentor, summed it up perfectly in her blog today: 

"I should know…I have been there. I’m the mom who watches the school buses drive away and wonder what those other moms do all day. My husband has watched me have total meltdowns, and he has helped remind myself that this homeschool journey that I am on is as much about me as it is about our children.

I want you to know that homeschooling IS hard, marriage is hard, parenting is hard."

(You can read more at Heidi's blog:  http://heidistjohn.com/tbmb/hope-floats/.)

Hard it is...especially on days like today!  Yet in it all, God was there.  He took every question I had this afternoon and replaced it with love, forgiveness, reassurance, peace and laughter!  And He refreshed me to the point where I can say with anticipation, "Bring on tomorrow!"  It can only get better from here!  :)

Turning Weakness Into Strength

There have been moments this school year that I feel like I truly cannot get my act together.  It's not the curriculum.  It's not my child.  It's me!  I find myself demanding perfection from my child, getting upset with him when he wants to goof off during school, and just expecting him to maintain these impossibly high standards.  I find myself reacting to him as I react to the stress of this new and unpredictable season of life that I have no clue what to do with. 

Our days start off well and centered around the Word.  But as the hours creep on and I see all the chores that aren't getting done around the house or all the things that I'm missing out on or could be doing, I begin to rush my child and his learning so I can "get on with life".

I have been in tears several times this past week over how many times I've told my child, "Hurry up!"  "Come on, you need to focus and hurry and get this done so we can get our other things done!"  There is this spirit of impatience that has permeated our education lately and I hate it.  There have been moments where I've cried out to God wondering if I'm doing more harm to my child by having him next to me as I go through this personal wilderness rather than sending him off to school for someone else to teach him (forgetting the fact that they might be in their own wilderness as well). 

As I stop to reflect on what's going wrong and why I can't get it together, I notice where my daily time with God is being rushed, too.  I notice where it's easier to breathe prayers as I rush about trying to catch up on everything after 2 1/2 months of sickness rather than take the time to sit and enjoy being in the presence of God.  I also notice where I've become sucked into this vaccum of myself as I've lost sight of God's purpose for my life after being bombarded with sickness.   Everything that has been comfortable and familiar to me is gone, including that security that comes from having great health that you don't realize you're banking on until it's taken away. 

But thankfully, I'm starting realize that I don't have to be a slave to my circumstances nor my runaway thoughts!  It doesn't have to stay this way! A change of focus is much needed.  It's not a coincidence that nearly every time I log onto Facebook or turn on the radio or do family devotions (which we've been focusing on courage via Character Trails by Character Concepts these past 3 weeks), Joshua 1:9 is being quoted. 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

I've let the dismay or discouragement of being stuck in this season of sickness drive me farther and farther into the desert.  I feel like there are days when I'm wandering around aimlessly missing a life that was once mine but still wanting to cling to the fact that God has a distinct plan for my life.  It becomes all too easy to take it all out on those I love the most and in the process, damage relationships that were once flourishing.

Joshua 1:9 powerfully reminds me that God has called us out of that place of weakness.  For when God is right next to us, we have no excuse for weakness because He is completely opposite of weakness!

Being strong and of good courage means being strong in all areas--mind, body and soul.  It means facing the unknown with the security that God is with me regardless of life circumstances.  And it means thoughtfully responding to life or to my child (aka strength) rather than reacting to life or my child (aka weakness).

There is so much to lose, including harmony in the home and harmony in our homeschool when this mama is acting from the place of fear or discouragement.  Yet there is much to gain when this mama claims Joshua 1:9.  May I let the truths of this verse infiltrate my mind and soul so that I may become strong once again during this unknown season of life.

On the Receiving End of a R.A.K.

We made a quick trip to the grocery store this morning before homeschool.   Today, my goal was to make bone broth because I've heard so many things about it's healing properties.  Since my son (NoNut) and I picked up another virus (after two months of sickness), we are game for anything that might give our immune systems a boost.  And while I'm sick, NoNut wants to "be the man" and take care of his mama while daddy is at work. 

So while we were at the grocery store, NoNut pushed the grocery cart, followed every instruction, loaded the bags into the cart and then pushed the cart to the van.  While I began unloading the groceries in the van, this older gentleman approached us.

He spoke directly to NoNut and said, "Young man, I noticed you being a helper and I wanted to give this you."  He proceeded to give NoNut a wooden dog.  He told us that he was a retired state trooper and likes to make little things to give away to those he sees helping others.  He affirmed NoNut for helping his mom and encouraged him to keep on helping others. 

It was so random, so out-of-the-ordinary!!  As quickly as he approached us, he quickly turned around and left.  It totally caught me off-guard but we at least remembered to thank him. 

As soon as the man left, NoNut got all excited and said, "Mom, I'm going to name him Attentive!"  Attentive?  For a dog's name???  NoNut proceeded to explain how he had been attentive, available and showed compassion by helping me in the store because I was sick.  It was quite a light-bulb moment for him and he received quite a confidence boost through this surprise gift.

Attentiveness (listening with your eyes, ears and heart), availability (being willing to attend to a need when I am called to help) and compassion (being willing to expend effort to help alleviate the suffering of those in need) are some of the character qualities that we have been learning about nearly every night for the past 12 weeks during family worship (based around Character Concepts curriculum).  This random act of kindness (R.A.K.) was a moment from God as He used this man to reinforce these character traits in my son in a practical and memorable way! 

On the way home, we talked about how others are watching us.  This man didn't have to say or do anything, but he saw my son's helpfulness and wanted to simply bless him.  While it's kind of eerie to think that someone was observing us in the parking lot, it was such a powerful reminder that we are always revealing something about our character even in the tiniest of things.  What are we showing others about ourselves and most importantly, about our God? 

Unpredictability & Callings

It seems like with every day of homeschooling, we are slipping farther and farther away from my picture of what homeschooling should look like.  I'm also coming to the conclusion that every year is different from the previous year which leaves room for major unpredictability!

I feel like I'm tweaking so much with Sonlight Core B and Sonlight's Language Arts 1 as we naturally speed up in some areas and slow down in others.  The neat, orderly Instructor's Guide that I lived by last year has already become a jumbled mess this year as the days, weeks and pages no longer coordinate with each other as we jump around (yes, I'm Type A to the core).  And then, I hear this tiny voice in the background saying, "Welcome to homeschooling!"  Everything I read about in blogs last year, I was like, "Oh, I'm glad that's not us!" or "They must not be doing something right if they are having those problems."  Oh man, little did I know that would soon be me and now I'm feverishly running back to those blogs searching for answers! ;) 

Last year, our homeschool worked like clockwork. For the most part, my child was very compliant and excited about school.  Yet this year, a month into our school year, and we've yet to have a "normal" school week, much less school day.  My child is compliant when he wants to be, but it's not been without a power struggle despite our classroom rules and consequences.

Today was the never-ending school day as we just couldn't get our act together.  I'm feeling the pressure of deadlines and other things outside of our school life as I try to pick some ministry-related things back up.  The juggling act is starting up once again as I'm feeling the pull between home and ministry.  I want to be focused on homeschooling yet my mind is in a constant whirl with thinking, planning, writing and prepping for some ministry events ahead. 

Each day that I say "yes" to something outside of our homeschool realm, the more I feel the pull and struggle to stay focused here at home. That translates into a rushed school day where we get school done to get it done rather than slow down and enjoy the learning process.  Needless to say, that easily fuels power struggles and impatience.  ...Not a place I want to go back to! 

Yet at the same time, I keep asking "What about the call to lay ministry and local missions that God put on my heart all of these years?"  What do I do when I see that God wants me here at home to disciple and educate my child more than He wants me serving the local church?  I've tried hard to mix the two but both are full-time callings and I'm only one person with limitations.  Yet every day as my strength and health improve, I try to pick back up the old things only to realize all over again that that season has passed.  It's bittersweet.  Some days, that fact brings tears as I feel a grieving period for what once was.  And other days, it brings much joy because I'm finally beginning to accept that God wants me at home for a season.  I keep wrestling over the big question of "Who am I after I lay down that call to ministry for a season?"   

Despite the fact that I really don't know the answer to that, God keeps using the unpredictability of this school year to show me that there is more to His calling than the church.  I've been living life in one way through one channel for so long that I've never considered any other possibilities.  What if being wife and mom is the highest calling of them all?  What if it requires more to disciple my child than it does to disciple others?  What if it means altering everything including my educational ideals for my child in order to focus on the things that really matter long after the textbooks have come and gone? 

So far this year, the days that we have enjoyed the most were the days when our curriculum challenged our thinking and prompted conversations with my first grader that went way beyond education.  There have been days when I couldn't push reading and math anymore because there were basic character issues and heart issues that needed to be addressed.  Sometimes, these character and heart issues are more of a hindrance to learning than anything else.  I refuse to keep putting on temporary band-aids in order to check off a box in our Instructor's Guide because the boxes will always be there to check off, but this teachable, pliable moment with my child might not be. 

As I wish God would make it ever-so-clear to me what my calling is, I'm seeing that He has already made it clear and is continuing to make it clear in spite of my questions and hesitations.  As scary as unpredictability is, it is where I see the beauty and blessings of life the most.  It's where God is working.  And, it feels like home to me...literally and figuratively.

"Parenting From the Heart" Review

Parenting From the Heart by Marilyn Boyer encourages, reassures and instructs mothers at each stage of life in a friendly, Titus 2 kind of way.  Throughout the book, I felt as if Mrs. Boyer was giving me a glimpse into her personal life as she shares what is most important to her as a wife and mom of 14 children.  She gently challenges our culture, even our Christian culture, and presents another way of viewing and living life based on solid conviction from the Bible alone.  It was encouragement for me to put back up my guard and stand firm on the things I know to be true and fight for our home and family rather than cave into the pressures of culture, tradition and man's opinion. 

Mrs. Boyer offers wisdom on a variety of topics from free time, character and chores to potty training, discipline and homeschooling.  She also follows up each topic with real-life stories and helpful ideas, tips or resources.  Her practical and relevant wisdom applies to any mother of any family size.  I only wish I had read this book sooner!

Kindle Edition:  http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-from-the-Heart-ebook/dp/B00D3VPBMA/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1373836123&sr=1-5
 
Paperback:  http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-From-Heart-Marilyn-Boyer/dp/0970877072/ref=pd_rhf_cr_p_t_2_87VS

Although I submitted the above as my "official review", I have more I'd like to add.  The Boyers run Character Concepts, a curriculum and family company centered around helping parents build strong, godly character in their children. 

I discovered Character Concepts via a google search and then had others recommend them.  I was even more excited to "buy local" as they are 20 minutes away from here!  We purchased Character Trails as a way to weave character training into our daily lives.  And, it's crazy how God is taking 12 colorful flashcards, simple yet meaty definitions to character traits and Bible verses and providing discipline and structure to our home.  The curriculum is an outline and God is filling in the rest as we seek to become more like Him!

On top of the character training, the Boyers have a strong sense of patriotism and seek to educate others on how our country was founded and the rights we need to fight for in order to remain a Christian nation.  Patriotism is something that is so lost in today's culture.  It's something that we don't talk about in our churches nor is it something we really see modeled in anyone younger than age 70 (aka those who haven't grown up in war times).

Between the things I heard at the HEAV Convention, the things I've been reading from the Boyers and then learning alongside my child about how our country was founded, I'm beginning to sense this great responsibility and even duty to understand our past so we can shape our future.  We need godly politicians and godly men and women to take the issues of today and speak God's truth to them.  We are being duped by so many even in the religious realm by the feel-good Christianity that we've lost our own voices and our own desires to stand up for what is right.  We think we are just one person, one voice, and fail to realize the impact that one voice can have.  But I want to teach my child otherwise.  I want to teach him that he has a God-given voice to use for real change and together, as a family, encourage others to find and use their voices, too.  But in order to do that, we have to know what we're talking about and what is most important!

Thankfully, God placed Character Concepts in our path to teach us our facts and our history.  We are being exposed to modern day patriots (whose foundation usually consists of solid character training) and discovering a network of Believers who seek to bring God's light and freedom to our world and to our country by taking a public stand for what is right and for the principles our country was founded upon.  I don't know what God has in store for us and what He will be teaching us in the year(s) ahead, but I'm beginning to see why homeschoolers typically have a strong sense of patriotism and I'm grateful for those who will share it with us!

For more on Character Concepts, visit their blog at http://characterconceptsblog.com.