The Great Speech Dilemma

“A fool lets it all hang out; a sage quietly mulls it over.  When a leader listens to malicious gossip, all the workers get infected with evil.”  Proverbs 29:11-12

 

So many leadership books, so little time.  However, no leadership book is as insightful, thorough, powerful, challenging, convicting and directing as Proverbs.  For extra “umph”, try Proverbs in “The Message” translation!  Sometimes I wonder why I’m so determined to read all these other leadership books and fail to give time and attention to the Bible.  Everything I want in a leadership book is spelled out in Proverbs. 

Proverbs has a way of taking what seems complicated and breaking it down in simple format, black and white, that you just can’t miss what makes and breaks a leader.  I find it interesting that guarding your speech is one of the top reoccurring themes in Proverbs.  It’s also one of the top reoccurring themes in my life as I speak with women and listen to women. 

I tend to rationalize my speech quite often by thinking that everyone vents, everyone gossips, everyone says what’s on their mind (good and bad), and sometimes you just have to get things off your chest.  But through Proverbs I see over and over again that God wants more from His leaders.  He has a clear path already set out for us that isn’t marked with holes that we dug for ourselves nor is it lined with words that reveal our immaturity, insecurity or irrationality.

Proverbs 29:11-12 (above) is one of those verses that gets me every time I read it as I have seen where my speech has affected those around me and not always for the positive.  And I have also seen where speech from other leaders has permeated through the ranks and affected the spirit of those under them.  As I listen to others, it reminds me of myself and I pray that I do not sound like that, but sadly, I know I do at times.  

As a leader, do we even understand how much influence our words carry and how quickly it can discredit ourselves and our ministries? 

Are our opinions being taken as fact by the listeners when in reality it’s our own faulty interpretations coming across?

Are we silently giving others permission to share information without considering if it’s right or wrong before we pass it along? 

Where do we draw the line between sharing information about a situation with those we lead versus gossip?  And then how do we participate in those conversations with other leaders without crossing that line?

 

What kind of leadership are we promoting if we participate in conversations that aren’t edifying about others?  

 

Finally, as women leaders, how do we rise above gossip in the realm of women’s ministry whether big or small?  

Tough questions, yet even tougher to keep our mouths shut!  However, as tough as it is to be the quiet one, we can be encouraged by Proverbs 31:26:  “When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.”  The same God who fashioned the Proverbs 31 woman fashioned us and just as she is an example, we can be one, too!  It's not impossible, it's just going to take some work!  ;-)

Who I Really Am

I never realized how powerful and foundational the answer to the question, "Who Am I?" was until this year.  Before April 2011, I thought I knew who I was but it wasn't until God led me to myMISSION PIEDMONT that all of that was challenged and is still being challenged through a creative and detailed chain of events that only God could arrange.  When God wants you to know Him and for you to truly understand what He thinks about you, He is persistent and patient in helping you become aware of who you are in Him and who He created you to be (well, that is, once you give Him the green light to proceed).

It didn't reallly click until tonight that God started this journey of discovering who I am through the first promise He gave me after I said yes to serving in our Association--Jeremiah 1:5-9a.  Through this verse, God began planting seeds that maybe there is something bigger at play, that this isn't random or because no one else wanted to do this, but He has a definite plan and I am part of it. 

Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying:  “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”  Then said I:  “Ah, Lord God!  Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.”  But the Lord said to me:  “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ For you shall go to all to whom I send you, And whatever I command you, you shall speak.  Do not be afraid of their faces, For I am with you to deliver you,” says the Lord. Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me: "Behold, I have put My words in your mouth..."

A few months after that, we began our first myMISSION Bible study which dealt with our identity and the lies and truths that we believe about ourselves.  It's where I first noticed that I had an onion that needed to be peeled.  As the first couple of layers came off, I started to see things that I had never seen before.  Well, nevermind, I assumed that God could leave that onion alone and work around it and keep using me "as is".  My thoughts were that I'd eventually mature and life would go on and God would show me new things, so I really wouldn't have to peel that onion, right?!  But, it just doesn't work that way (attempt #143 to work around the onion should've been the first clue)! 

It was time to face the truth that knowing who I am in Christ is foundational to leadership.  If I don't know who I am, what I believe in and Who I am following (God), I will continually miss the mark as a leader, wife and mom.  This is where ministry (and even family) becomes diminished as my focus becomes more on trying to do everything, do it perfectly and please everyone in the process.  It then becomes a Galatians 1:10 question!

Needless to say, God impressed this lesson upon my heart numerous times through having my leadership coach echo the same thing above to reading "The Shack" to our second myMISSION Bible study (which took identity a step further and required actions like forgiveness, boldness in standing up for yourself, etc.) to mentors bringing up the whole identity piece and now back to another book, "Search for Significance".  Then, to top it off, random songs on the radio to sermons to conversations with friends always went back to identity.  

I have peeled back many layers to this identity onion. Every time I think I've got it, I realize that there is still more hiding underneath!  It's been an incredible journey of self-discovery and of God-discovery.  It's been one of the most exciting, challenging, painful, humble, joyful and rewarding journeys that I have ever taken with God.  The awesome part is that it's not over yet!  There is still a lot left to internalize as I learn to make God my default and truth.  There are speechless moments when God gives me reminders of where we were last year on this journey and where we are today!  Those reminders combined with His Word give me the hope necessary to persevere on this journey! 

Through this journey, I've learned many things about myself that have made me say, "Ah-Ha!!!!  So that is why...!"  

• Apostle / Prophet (3DM/Pentagon lifeshape) 
• INTJ (Myers-Briggs)
• Focus, Achiever, Intellection, Command, Strategic (From "Now Discover Your Strengths") 
•  Achiever, Strategic, Input, Restorative, Intellection (From "Living Your Strengths")

These are things that are wired within me that I didn't understand.  Actually, these are things I've considered my weaknesses all my life as they have continually compelled me to move forward with God in new areas, ministries and ways never putting down roots.  Yet learning about the fivefold ministry purposes brought it all together and opened a new door to freedom, possibility and opportunity as it allows me to unashamedly embrace what God is doing rather than fight against it.

When I take these things and compare them with all that God has done in and with my life and my family over the past 12 years, I see the truths in Jeremiah 1:5-9a ever so clearly!

But the best part is that even if I didn't have the above strengths and my only strength was to flip the TV remote all day long (bad example, I know...can't think of anything better at the moment), God still cares about me!  Justification, reconciliation, propitiation and regeneration are still for me!  The cross is still for me!  Nothing and no one (including myself) can change that, discredit that, lessen that or take that away from me.  

I am "deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted and complete in Christ!"  And to me, that is ever healing, freeing and life-giving.  Everything else fades into the background compared to that!  Wow!