Last week, God used a homemade stuffed crust pizza to
illustrate my life versus His life. This followed recent conversations in which
more than one friend pointed out blind spots of my "perfectionistic tendencies"
that were spilling over into relationships and even into church life.
As I was looking at the pizza that I pulled out of the oven, I was struck with how much my focus has shifted away from where it used to be (God). This semester, I've spent more time trying to make my life look like the middle of the pizza...you know, the nice, neat, smooth, evenly cut slices--the kind that just look perfect all the way around! But the truth is, my life is more like the entire right edge of that pizza.
As I was looking at the pizza that I pulled out of the oven, I was struck with how much my focus has shifted away from where it used to be (God). This semester, I've spent more time trying to make my life look like the middle of the pizza...you know, the nice, neat, smooth, evenly cut slices--the kind that just look perfect all the way around! But the truth is, my life is more like the entire right edge of that pizza.
When I made the pizza, I carefully wrapped the string cheese
in the crust. It looked semi-professional and promising! Yet ten minutes later,
it looked anything but professional. It looked messy as the cheese kept oozing
out of the crust.
Oh, how I have felt like that string cheese for the past six weeks because life has taken many unexpected twists and turns and disappointment
and discouragement want to be my constant companions. I've tried so hard to
stay within this nice, neat little crust of life, but yet I'm just oozing out
everywhere! As the cheese oozes further and further, there is no way to control
it. It has a life of its own as it slowly covers up all that looks good.
As I compared the contrasting middle slices to the end
slices, God reminded me that even though the mess looks messy, it is still full
of goodness. The edges may unravel, our cheesy mess may ooze out and cover that
which we perfectly crafted, but it doesn't alter the fact that it’s still a
pizza and it's still good. The not-so-stuffed crust gives the pizza character, questions, and a
story. It's a picture of reality when we try so hard to cover the mess yet it all spills out anyway.
That night, I purposefully didn't eat the edge pieces
because I was so desperately craving order and control in my life. I didn't
want the mess regardless of how wonderful it would’ve tasted (as if I thought
not eating the edge was a way of telling God what I really thought—oh, the
totally immature and embarrassing games we play with God).
Since that night, the pizza image kept coming to mind as
I've felt stuck in the same place I always get stuck at in life. It’s the same
story, different year, different season...surely, there has got to be a
different way!
Yet, the way to overcome is one that means looking straight
at Christ like never before. It means overcoming all the hang-ups I have about
"religion" and seeing that the cross isn't a religion, it's a way of
life. It’s turning a lifetime of knowing about God into truly knowing Him. It's taking the things I learned during my
first semester at Seminary and running it through the underlying
question of every class and every chapel: "How does the gospel inform
[fill in the blank with your current situation]?".
That question is a question I've been so afraid of answering
and have been trying to run from because the answers scare me. They require
letting go of every thought, every action, and every belief that runs contrary
to God. It means living into a new identity (rather than continuing to study
what our true identity is but failing to claim it). It means letting go of thoughts that keep me stuck
in a rut. It means seeing the decision to believe in black and white. Because
when anything is held up next to the cross, we see how futile it is. We see
where God wants to break in with His love. We see where the power of God that
raised Christ from the dead is our power to cling to and to use so we are never
alone. We see a love that encompasses every petty thing that is said or done to
us so that words no longer matter and our response is to simply love back.
I finally decided to do something about it because warring
against God is wasting time, squandering Kingdom opportunities, and keeping me
stuck in this same place. It's declaring that I still desire myself over God
and if that's the case, it's time to make some decisions to step away from
certain ministry roles for it only leaves a path of confusion and disappointment for me and others.
When I sat down with a new three-subject notebook, God
wasted no time in filling up the first page! Last semester, a professor
suggested highlighting all the places in the Bible that say something about who
God is. So, the first subject area in this notebook is a "God is
______" section where I write down everything that is revealed about God
in whatever passage I read that day. It just so happened that it was Romans 8
... one page later and I wasn't even done writing out who God is from the
chapter. Halfway through the list, I'm like, "God, why do I so easily
forget who You are? Why do I run away so much when You offer everything I could
ever need and want?"
The second subject area is "Lies vs. Truth" -- one
column is for the lies I believed today about God, myself, and/or others. The
other column is to write out God's truth. It’s to a point where I need to stop
dancing around the lies and justifying them and see them for what they are…I
just didn’t expect to see the complete pettiness and downright falseness that I
entertain in my mind compared to the wholeness of the truth. And it left me crying
out to God, "Why do I wallow in lies when it's so obvious they are lies?
Why do I remain blind when You’ve given us truth to speak into every situation?”
The last subject area is two parts--"The Gospel &
Gratitude". It's where I take situations and/or people and hold them up to
the cross and ask, "God, how does the gospel inform this situation? Or, how
does the gospel inform the way I am to respond to this person?" And when
doing that, it has a way of highlighting hope and purpose. It reminds me of my value and new identity—the overcoming, persevering, victorious one. It reminds
me how powerful the cross is and that we are never alone in these situations.
Life can come at us from all different angles, but the
reality is that we are secure in the cross and everything we need to face life
is found in God. That produces a spirit of thankfulness and positivity that
isn't there when we focus on all that is wrong and how much something hurts.
There is always goodness to be found!
It's kind of like that pizza--the mess may look messy, but the taste is undeniable
goodness!
Leave it to God to use a pizza to illustrate His point!
“You have your heads in your Bibles constantly because you think you’ll find eternal life there. But you miss the forest for the trees. These Scriptures are all about Me! And here I am, standing right before you, and you aren’t willing to receive from Me the life you say you want.” John 5:39-40 (Message)“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1-2“But if the Spirt of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.” Romans 8:11“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.” Romans 8:15-17
Go read Romans 8 – it is filled with answers to “God is…”
and truths to defeat every lie we tend to believe!
