Leadership Lessons From the Road

 

The month of May plus the whole archery Nationals experience from Day 1 of planning to the last day in KY taught me so much, like:

~The only one in control of my schedule/calendar is me so if I can’t find time to breathe, it’s an indicator that I lack self-boundaries;

~As a leader, not every request, complaint or drama-filled message needs an immediate reply (sometimes it’s a really healthy thing to let people sit in the tension of their drama and not have easy access to you);  

~While I love the archery families and want to be there for them, it’s ok to take a break to eat my hot dinner that’s sitting upstairs in my hotel room first (after not having time to get a good lunch at Nationals) rather than meet parents because they want to talk real quick about archery…it’s rarely quick and your dinner will get cold and you’ll just get internally frustrated that you can’t say no and can’t hear what they are saying over your hunger. It is ok to stop and eat dinner first while it’s still hot, especially if you’ve made yourself available all day long and will be available again the next day (this applies to any leadership context—sometimes we just need to be reminded that it’s ok to take a break);

~When you lead an overnight trip of any kind, it’s ok to turn your phone off when you get back to the hotel and to let people figure out things on their own after hours (especially when all the information has been given out multiple times and there are other capable people available to help). Turning off the phone preserves sanity;

~You don’t know what you don’t know and what you don’t know, you’ll learn very quickly what’s going to work and what’s not and adjust accordingly. Most of the answers, adjustments and shifts happened internally in order to be able to make it through a multi-day peopling experience that required more giving out than I’ve ever experienced before (it was the first time I took a large group of people out of town);

~Sometimes hiding in the bathroom stall for 5 minutes throughout the day away from any people, noise and talking, and having that few minutes to simply breathe and “be” is way more effective than pouring caffeine and sugar down my body all day long;

~There are seasons when our life simply won’t operate in a balance (especially if there is a large event or project on your plate) and it’s ok if finding balance is impossible…that imbalance has an end date and you will get through that season and be ready to regain your footing. That also brings a whole new level of awareness, gratitude and appreciation for the other areas of your life and how they contribute to your wholeness;

~My support system is priceless and they consistently remind me that God will equip, strengthen and sustain in the various things He leads me to. I don’t know what I would do without my husband and my spiritual mom! And it means a lot to have a strong group of ladies that I can send an SOS to and know they will faithfully pray;

~Setting boundaries and trying to honor them teaches others about boundaries. It is good and necessary to set boundaries in order to steward your time and energy well; 

~When you travel with people you work alongside with, you get to see another side to them. It’s so fun and it is a true gift when it deepens your appreciation of them; and 

~Finally, everyone has their own opinions about what/how things should be done. It’s humanly impossible to make everyone happy. There is great freedom in knowing you are making the most solid decisions you can make based on what is best for the group as a whole and then letting people be responsible for their own responses and (un)happiness. Sometimes the healthiest thing for everyone is to let people go. 

At the end of the day, don’t forget to take care of yourself while you take care of others! It has taken me a long time to learn this lesson, but it is absolutely vital in order to keep going and finish strong! 

The Loudest Whispers (#fmf)

    There are moments when the whispers of the Holy Spirit become the loudest things I hear. That still small voice loudly echoes over all the noise in the world in such a way that I can’t help but hear it (I Kings 19:11–12). That voice beckons a response as it ushers in wisdom, clarity and peace. It informs, redirects and leads the way (Isaiah 20:31). In those moments, the loudest thing in the room is the sound of my heart beating—beating with anticipation for things revealed and beating with fear for things unknown. A flurry of thoughts fill my head as I ponder the possibilities of what could be and revisit old dreams. These old dreams carry hints of things to come...things that haven’t died no matter the twists and turns that have happened over the years (Psalm 32:8). These dreams remind me of the still small voice that spoke so loudly years ago. But I ran from that voice because I was scared of the bigness of it all—what if I failed at carrying out what was being asked but what if I succeeded at it, too? Both seemed equally scary.

    Yet this time around, the still small voice loudly reassures me of truth and I now know how to stand firmly in that truth. The voice reminds me of the transformation that has taken place and that I no longer have to run in fear. I now understand that new paths can be forged if the process is welcomed, accepted and endured one step at a time--pacing myself for the long-haul rather than burning out after the first year or two. This transformation speaks loudly of the security that comes from hearing and trusting the Holy Spirit. 

     Once holy whispers become the loudest things we hear, we are able to move forward in new ways because those whispers shout louder than our doubts and fears.

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt every Friday. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes. No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart. To find out more, visit Five Minute Friday. This week's word is "LOUD".

 

 
This mixed media response piece was created from two processing finger paintings as I processed through several big things on my mind. I tore up the finger paintings (which is cathartic in itself) to create this piece merging the two lines of thought. This mixed media piece represents the swirling between old and new, past and present, light and dark, trauma and possibilities, stuck and moving forward, and fear and faith. This piece can be turned in different directions. Whether pointing upward or pointing forward to the right, the arrow represents shalom and kairos moments...moments infused with the Holy Spirit...that break through our lives as the Spirit fulfills God’s promises in Psalm 32:8 revealing the paths He has for us.

A God of the Present (#fmfparty)

In 2015, I discovered the value of the present. So much of my life has been spent overcoming the past and worrying about the future that I often forgot to see what was right in front of me. With the death of my grandma and the death of my close friend/mom/mentor, the present became ever so real. Once the present is gone, we can't get it back.

These deaths revealed areas where I was living everywhere but the present. These deaths combined with the growing pressures of owning a business also revealed God to me in new ways as I saw just how much He was the God of the present. He is always breaking into our lives in many different ways and wanting us to see Him, receive Him, and live with Him. It's not about what we are doing for God or where we are in our growth process or where we want to be with Him, it's about coming to Him in our humility knowing we can't do life on our own and we desperately need Him in this very moment. We need Him to sustain us whether it's physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially for we ultimately cannot sustain ourselves.

When we start seeing the value of the present, we begin to live in the present. And when we live in the present and experience God in the present, we find ourselves in the midst of joy and blessings that can't be contained nor explained, even in the hard times. Our focus shifts because it's no longer resting on ourselves and trying to figure our lives out. Our focus is on God which changes the source of our reliance as we take each step forward. And suddenly, we find ourselves in step with Him and surrounded by peace, confidence, reassurance, comfort, joy, and contentment--things that once seemed elusive. Because we know who is holding us, we find ourselves set free to be who we are, free to dream, and free to hope because we are sure that God sees us and has a plan for our lives. 

And when we are free, we are able to run unhindered in the present because we are no longer afraid to run--we know who is holding us! God used death to reveal the present to me so that I can remember who He is. Through remembering Him, He reaffirmed the dreams that He planted in my heart 5, 10, and 15 years ago and gave me the courage to dream once again. Not only did He give me the courage to dream, but He showed me through His continual provision when provision seemed humanly impossible that He can provide for my dreams, too.

Yesterday, I found out that I got accepted at a seminary that I've been wanting to go to for years. I rarely spoke of it and never pursued it because I thought I wasn't worth my dream, but God kept beckoning me to dream this dream until I could let go of myself long enough to see Him. As I discovered God continually breaking into the present, I began to understand that He does have me in His hand. He is God--He makes happen what He wants to happen! All I have to do is trust Him!

And when trust happens, God captures my present in such a way that brings all the praise back to Him for I know the secret battles that took place for surrender (plus I also had a husband who had to write an essay as part of my application--lol) and I know that it is ALL from God and because of Him. Therefore, it makes Psalm 34:8 such a verse of the present--"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!" Today, I cannot contain my excitement because I have tasted and have seen that the Lord is good--not just because I got in this seminary program, but because He is my provision, my sustainer, and my Father at this present moment and every moment yet to come! It's pretty awesome! 

I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.

Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

I sought the Lord, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.

They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces were not ashamed.

This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him,
And saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him,
And delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

Psalm 34:1-8

* Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes.  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "PRESENT".

The Green-Eyed Monster (#fmfparty)

This is difficult to write because it's easy to think that the green-eyed monster of envy is something for trivial, surface-only people without realizing the full impact of it in our lives.

The moment when we wonder "why her and not me?" or the moment when we express that "it's not fair" or the moment when we find ourselves thinking unkind things about others in their successes that leave us wondering where in the world those thoughts came from are the very moments that open the door for the green-eyed monster to enter.

If left unchecked, questions begin to plague our mind as we see where we didn't get what we felt entitled to. That eventually leads to feelings of disdain for others, verbal or texted grumblings, contrariness, and bitterness. And if we remain there, we've essentially rendered ourselves ineffective for the Kingdom and end up becoming disruptive to the body of Christ (intended or not). 

James 3:16-17 points out, "For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy."

We are daily confronted to choose who we are going to be. Are we going to choose to be our natural selves and react and think how we want, or are we going to choose to submit ourselves to God and live as He desires?

The latter means letting sooooo much go...it means choosing to let go of the trivial stuff, seeing past temporary distortions and feelings of the moment, and sacrificing our judgments and opinions in order to view people and situations through God's eyes. It means trusting in God's timing and in His plan and trusting that He will fulfill His promises and move us or promote us in His time. And it means understanding who we are in Christ and that we are already complete in Him with our own unique set of abilities, talents, and personality. We don't need achievements, accolades, or acceleration through the ranks to prove ourselves to Him, for He has already paved the way for us through His extreme love.

When we make the choice to let the green-eyed monster go, we can redirect that energy to things that truly matter. We won't be distracted by our emotions nor semi-distraught when things seem unfair or when others take what we want. We will be willing to yield ourselves to God which allows us to prefer others over ourselves. And we free ourselves up to wait on God so He can do with us what He wants in His time.

When God is the one that places us and/or advances us to where He wants us to be, it brings Him the glory and has an impact that far surpasses anything that we ever tried to bring about in our own strength and abilities. So farewell, green-eyed monster!

*Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes.  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "GREEN".

Staying Together Inwardly (#fmfparty)

"You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness. But that doesn't mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift." Ephesians 4:4-7 (Message)

In church life, there are times when we need to be reminded that we are all on the same team. We all desire to see Christ glorified. We desire excellence in service. We desire unity within the body. And we desire commitment both to serve within the church and outside of the church.

But somehow, in the busyness of church life, we lose focus of that even though we are still outwardly saying "Yes, this is for God." We lose focus when we encounter opinions or methods different than our own. We lose focus when we compare what we have (or don't have) with others. We lose focus when we give more of ourselves than we have capacity to give. We lose focus when we overthink what was said to us or about us. And we lose focus when we become so busy doing that we find ourselves trusting in the institution of the church rather than in God Himself.

Whenever we lose focus, seeds of disappointment, discouragement, disillusionment, dissension, and/or distance begin to grow that distort our view of our "teammates" (pew mates?). We forget that we are a team as bitterness, distrust, rebellion, or competition weave into our interactions with one another. We unconsciously divide through our attitudes and conversations rather than seek to build up. We isolate and lose sight of the big picture where God has called us to travel on the same road together.

When I read Ephesians 4:4 the other night, "...so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly" jumped out at me. Oh, how we can have the outward part down to a science but be thinking so immature inwardly. This week, may we remember that as the body of Christ, we are all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction and evaluate if our thoughts, attitudes, conversations, and actions (both inwardly and outwardly) are leading us toward the same purpose. It's breathtaking to think of the massive Kingdom impact that our churches could have on our world if we intentionally sought to work together instead of against each other in all that we do.

*Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes.  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "SAME".

Behind the "Yes" // five minute friday

Yes--it's a word of permission, affirmation, promise and hope. It's a word that unlocks new doors and creates new paths. "Yes" rises above the voice of no because it believes that God has a plan. "Yes" pushes aside uncertainty and ushers in courage. And "yes" sees unlimited possibilities that can go in directions that none of us ever imagined.

When God gives the "yes", it's even sweeter because it affirms the truths in Ephesians 2:10 -- "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them" and Philippians 1:6 -- "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." 
 

This week, I am celebrating the gift and blessing of a God-given "yes" after daring to dream and praying in faith that God would bring this dream to fruition in His time. There is something beautiful that happens when we go through the petitioning process outlined in James 1:16 -- "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed."

When my doubts threaten the "yes", when others feel it should be a "no", when I don't know if I have what it takes to run with this God-given "yes", God reminds me of what His "yes" means and that if He gives the "yes", He will give what is needed to see it through.

*Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes.  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "YES".

A Different Form of Worship, but Worship Nonetheless

Music has a way of sticking with us long after a sermon. We are forever surrounded by music on our iPhones, in our cars, in stores, etc. Music is one of the ways wherein God speaks to His people as  it soothes, reassures, convicts, encourages, and gives hope. Aside from God's Word, nothing else speaks to me more than music...that's probably why I've spent 3/4 of my life making music in one form or another. Music also has taught me a lot about teamwork, pride, comparison, unity, purpose, and worship. Have spent more time making music than thinking about what goes on behind the scenes and what all is involved in ensuring that people can hear my music. Seriously, think about it...how hard can it be to turn on a microphone and push play on a CD player, right??

Ummmmm...yeah...take a look:

The first time I saw the sound board, I had no desire to even look at it...it was someone else's department and it was way over-my-head complicated. But the more I started observing and piecing things together during praise team practices (where it was about sound checks and monitors), the more that sound board became like this one giant puzzle that beckoned to be solved. There was this uncanny method to the madness that somehow required doing all you can to take music to the next level.

It's taken awhile to really decide if learning how to do sound for church is something I just want to "master" for the pure challenge of it (like I need something else to add to my schedule right now) or if it's something that God wants me to learn as another form of worshiping Him. The latter is one that I've spent a lot of time praying over because doing the sound is outright work and fast-paced stress (how can that be worship?). It requires attention to detail and a level of focus that means blocking out every single thing in order to hear what is in front of me. As I dabble in it some, God keeps showing me how doing the sound completes the circle of worship.

God further shaped my mind toward it today as He showed me what a pure gift (and responsibility) it is to be able to serve the praise team in this way. Over the past year, it has been such a joy getting to know the different people that sing and/or play instruments in our church because they are way more than musicians. I've enjoyed hearing their stories, watching them making decisions in their lives from school to dating to jobs, praying with a few of them as we go through life's challenges, and seeing how God is working in their lives to grow them whether they see the growth or not. Sunday worship may be the connecting factor, but there is daily worship happening during the week as we try to live for God in a culture that wars against all of that.

Therefore, it's meaningful to have this opportunity to be able to take such talent and hearts for worship and try to blend it in such a way that continues to brings glory to God and to make sure that each song is blended ever perfectly as a testimony of worship in our hearts. No, I'm not about creating a "goosebump worship moment" but it's about the process of worship and being able to see it come together from the very first note of Saturday practice to the last note on Sunday night. It's about taking every voice on the platform and merging it with the others in such a way that beautifully portrays the body of Christ as each voice functions within its own role. And when those voices blend, an underlying depth and richness form which enhance the message that is being sung. 

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 150. I have to admit that Psalm 150:4 instantly became my favorite verse when I was in fourth grade when I began playing the flute simply because it had the word "flutes" in it. However, as I've grown up, I began to understand more and more what Psalm 150 worship is about and the delight and beauty of being able to "praise God in His sanctuary" both literally and figuratively.

Praise the Lord!
Praise God in His sanctuary;
Praise Him in His mighty firmament!
Praise Him for His mighty acts;
Praise Him according to His excellent greatness!
Praise Him with the sound of the trumpet;
Praise Him with the lute and harp!
Praise Him with the timbrel and dance;
Praise Him with stringed instruments and flutes!
Praise Him with loud cymbals;
Praise Him with clashing cymbals!
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord!

As I compare Psalm 150 with God's design for creation and Christ's birth, death, and future return, it points to order not chaos, purpose not haphazardness, and something that is life-changing not complacent. How can our worship be anything but that? And why would we waste our time participating in anything less than that? And that fuels my desire even further to give what I have to follow God's design for worship and to give my friends in the praise team and the choir that kind of gift and to help them be able to worship with order and purpose so not only our hearts, but the hearts of those in our church, will seek God, praise Him, and worship Him together as described in Psalm 150. 

No pressure, right, especially with like, a hundred knobs that control something and will either enhance or detract from worship?? But yet at the same time, that is part of the beauty of worshiping God through doing the sound (and even with singing as I still experiment with that)--it pushes me beyond my comfort zone, myself, and my abilities and into a place of utter dependence on God knowing that if it's for Him, it has to be about Him and done through Him and by Him. It's when I am in the midst of Him that worship truly takes place whether it's with my flute, voice, piano, or sound board.

p.s. I had to google whether it's worshipping or worshiping and one p won out...had no clue it was such a debate! ;)

A Tribute to My Grandma

These are the words I shared at my grandma's celebration/memorial service on Saturday.  This is what I always want to remember about her.

Musician. Writer. Innovator. Encourager. Hostess. Servant. Listener. Learner. Giver. Godly....these are just a few of the qualities I always admired about my grandma.

Musician – There was always a song in my grandma’s heart for she loved to praise God whether through singing or through the piano. It wasn’t until high school that I realized that families don’t sing at every get together like we did. However, it was my favorite to sit back and listen to my grandma play the piano and hear my grandpa sing. We’ve spent our lives watching them praise God together as a couple. Her love for music has been passed down to three generations as we’ve all learned how to play the piano from her…even my son was able to get in a few beginning piano lessons with her. Music and worship was as important to my grandma as breathing was to her.

Innovator – My grandma always had courage to go against the grain and to blaze her own trail. She knew how to weed out the unimportant and to see what was needed in order to more effectively serve God. She never let her age or her health stop her. She followed God in new paths, always sensitive to His leading whether it was to start or to take over a ministry or to invest her time into people. She was always creative with her ideas and gave people experiences to remember long after the program was over.

Writer – My grandma was never short on words. What she didn’t speak, she wrote. I’ll never forget the time when I was in high school and we were comparing manuscripts for books that we each were writing (oh man, they were pretty rough and at times, cheesy). If she wasn’t writing for a ministry newsletter or sending cards to others, she was composing songs for people as a way to celebrate special occasions and to let them know how special they were. It was fun having a grandma who got excited over writing as much as I did. She wrote the Young at Heart newsletter up until her death. She didn’t just write, she poured her heart into what she wrote. I’m really going to miss her phone calls for help because she can’t get a photo scanned in just right or because she lost another file on the computer.

Hostess – My grandma is known for her fun and for unknowingly being the life of a party. Her laughter was always contagious. As I reflect back on her life, she showed me much about the importance of taking the time to laugh and connect with others because mainly, people just want to belong and they want to be loved. She had a knack for making people feel welcome whether it was at church or in her home. And when grandma had a theme for a party or ministry event, she went all out with that theme in the decorations, paper goods, games, prizes and even in her dress! She always did it right and did it well for she saw it as a reflection of Christ and an opportunity to glorify Him.

Servant – All my life, my grandma has served her church and served others. She knew how to bring others along with her and we watched her teach them how to serve God through her passion for Him and her example. She was always doing things with purpose and that purpose was to share God’s love and hope with others.

Godly – I could always count on my grandma to be consistent in her faith. She never wavered on the things that really mattered even if it meant ridicule. Something changed in her over the past year as she became proof that age is irrelevant when it comes to our relationship with God. I’ve watched her faith grow and blossom into something that goes far beyond routine and into something vibrant, dynamic and peaceful. My grandma’s life exemplifies Psalm 119:92-93 (The Message translation) which says, “If Your revelation hadn’t delighted me so, I would have given up when the hard times came. But I’ll never forget the advice You gave me; You saved my life with those wise words.”

As my grandma grew in God, she traded attitudes and mindsets that no longer mattered for a more heavenly perspective. We watched her joy become fuller and her peace become deeper as she trusted God regardless of what was going on inside of her body. She showed us what it meant to live in grace and how to die with grace. She showed us that life is full when it’s lived in Christ and that nothing can compare to a life with Him both here on earth and now in heaven.

The other day when I told my son that his great grandma went to heaven to be with Jesus, his face lit up with pure delight and wonder as he was excited that she was with Jesus, for even at his young age, he knew that is where his great grandma wanted to be the most. He was able to see her strong faith and then see her hope realized.

My grandma’s life and faith challenge me to proudly embrace all the ways that I am so much like her, to honor her legacy through the way that I live my life, to keep developing my musical and creative talents so I can use them to point others to Christ like she did, to keep my heart open and ready to share God’s love and encouragement with others regardless of opposition or cost, and to hunger after God and see that He is above all else

To the grandchildren, spouses, and great grandchildren:

I’ve been thinking a lot about our family tree lately, and God keeps bringing me back to the tree that is pictured in Psalm 1:1-3: 

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

This is what grandma spent her life showing us. This is her secret to a full life. And this is how a godly legacy gets passed down from one generation to the next. I challenge each of you to consider her life and her consistent testimony and decide what kind of family tree you want to be.

Top 5 Recurring "Themes" for Spring 2015

There are seasons in my life where God keeps hammering the same lessons or "themes" into my life. These themes are weaved into conversations with friends, songs on the radio or at church, reading the Bible, whispers from God during prayer times, social media posts, sermons, and even random signs or billboards. Oh yes, I've been around the block a few times with these themes, yet they are taking on new meanings as the fog of the past that clouded my vision for so long is finally lifting. 

1.  Experience Perfect Love instead of being a slave to perfection and the fears of failure and not living up to your potential.  I John 4:18--"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."

2.  Someone needs to hear your story. I Peter 3:15--"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear." Be authentic (genuinely you) always, but be wise in your transparency (who sees all of you). "Be careful to always be authentically you, because our public lives should always be a reflection of our private lives." ~Lori Wilhite & Brandi Wilson 

3.  Cling to the promise in the verse that keeps popping up everywhere.  Be secure (confident) and patient in your calling and know that God will finish what He has started in His time. Philippians 1:6--"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."
 
4.  Know who you are in Christ.  Galatians 6:14--"For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate."  Ephesians 1:4--"Long before He laid down earth's foundations, He had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of His love, to be made whole and holy by His love."

5.  You are waiting for the perfect circumstances, people, and/or ministry and missing out on everything that is right in front of you. "Go" is a present tense word that means "right now". Be available in this very moment to do whatever God has assigned to you. Rather than resist the fact that you don't have a carefully crafted plan for your life, learn to enjoy the variety of opportunities, people, skills, and abilities that God has blessed you with.  Marvel in that amazing training ground that He is providing for you through your church and homeschool organization. There are people all around you, even in those places, that need God so be open to God's leading no matter what it looks like. Isaiah 6:8 -- "Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?' Then I said, 'Here am I! Send me.'"

So Why Can't I?

A few weeks ago, I began wondering why this person can take a vacation and not have to check in but I feel like I have to all the time.  Then I was wondering how that person could leave everything behind to have a spur-the-moment family day and not think twice about skipping out on a meeting.  Then I got to wondering why could another person have all that time with their children but then I keep getting asked to squeeze more into my packed schedule.  And I wondered, "When does it stop?  Why can't I go on vacation and leave everything behind?  Why can't I take family days and turn off my phone/email?  Why can't I say I no to activities when my calendar is bursting at the seams?" And then it hit me, I can!!!! 

When I honestly answer the "Why can't I?" question, I see what is at the root of it.  From there, I can make the necessary changes to live out the answer to that question. My "Why can't I?" answers lie in self-imposed busyness, the inability to say no, and the fear of failure, fear of disapproval, and the fear of missing out on opportunities. And when you line that up with God and His Word, it becomes so obvious where I'm missing the mark once again.  And I see where I desperately need God to infuse every single step, every single word, every single thought!  (See Phil. 4:5, Ecc. 3:1, Heb. 3:13, Gal. 1:10, Matt. 6:24, I John 4:18.)

One thing that I've been understanding lately is that we teach others how to treat us.  And in that, I've been discovering that no one is going to outright give me permission to take a break. No one is going to stand there and make me take time for myself and for my family. And generally the same people that are quick to tell me that I need to slow down and put my family first are the ones that have no shame in throwing more on me.  And, they are the ones that know how and when to call in a break for themselves without guilt and without the need to check in. Hmmmmmm...it really makes one stop and analyze what's going on and why.  In retrospect, people keep asking me to do things because I always say yes. They keep giving because I keep taking. And they keep offering because I keep doing regardless of cost. Frankly, I'm a quick, definite yes!

However, there is nothing wrong at all with people asking me to do things.  There are definitely things I want to do and love doing and would never even know about if I wasn't asked!  But there comes a point when it's time to grow up and realize that I am the only one responsible for my yeses and nos. I am the one responsible for setting my limits and boundaries. These things just don't happen without my intentional intervention. And I have to understand that life is a marathon, not a sprint.  It's a journey, not a destination, and just insert what other cliche fits here.

There truly is merit to pacing ourselves. I'm always eager to jump into everything with both feet and give 100%, but I'm discovering that it's okay to enter into things slowly. We have to pace ourselves because when we run at full speed ahead, we easily run over God without meaning to. When we constantly say yes without thinking about it, we are saying no to the God-ordained pace for our lives. And when we say no to God's pace for our lives, it's where we find that we are living out of ourselves instead in Christ. It's where we find ourselves striving so hard to fulfill everyone's expectations (including our own) that we project those expectations as coming from God when in reality, He never once asked for our striving. It's where we follow our plans and hopes for each day rather than take time to seek God for what He wants us to accomplish each day. That's where we're getting it wrong. 

Great freedom comes from living out of the "I can!" answer to the "Why can't I?" question when the "I can" is rooted in our view of God and His plan and pace for our lives. 

My "Word" for 2015

Kudos to you if you can keep your New Year's resolutions!  I can't!  The last thing I need is another list of something that I need to do, another reminder of where I'm not measuring up, and another list of goals that will be swallowed up by good intentions and the busyness of life.  Instead, I need something that is quick and easy to remember that I can pull out in a second's notice in order to determine if something brings me closer or pushes me further from God and from the person I want to become.  I need something that creates hope, inspires me, and pushes me to action.  And I need something that doesn't have predefined expectations centered around my limited faith so that God can bring about what He wants to see happen in 2015.  That is why I totally embrace the "word of the year".  This word encompasses what God is doing in my life and what I hope He continues doing, and it lends direction to where I want to go and who I want to be in 2015.

So my word for 2015 is:

RESTORE

Definition:
: to give back (someone or something that was lost or taken)
: to return (someone or something)
: to put or bring (something) back into existence or use
: to return (something) to an earlier or original condition by repairing it, cleaning it, etc.

Psalm 51:12-13

"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit.  Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted to You." (NKJV)

Psalm 51:16-17

"Going through the motions doesn't please You, a flawless performance is nothing to You.  I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered.  Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice."  (Message)

I love the synonyms for "restore" because God took us through the longest wilderness and we are finally on the other side of it.  I wish I could say we journeyed well through the wilderness, but the longer we stayed, the more I let it take from me and I lost myself in the journey.  However, on this side of the wilderness, there have been new seasons, new paths, new directions, and new opportunities that have taken me back to my roots--the things I enjoyed before I lost myself in the busyness and doing of ministry and the aimlessness of wandering in the wilderness.  How refreshing it's been to remember those things that I lost, to be able to make music again, to be able to go to church simply to worship God, and to find solace in things that were once fun and familiar.

Yet the more I remembered my roots and rediscovered former joys, the more I found 2014 going in a different direction than I had planned.  I freaked out because life wasn't going the way it was supposed to go.  I was straying too far from my expectations, others' expectations, and everything familiar.  It was taking me too far away from ministry as I knew it to be and it was leaving me with nothing recognizable. 

To compensate for that, I found myself in the all-to-familiar pursuit of perfection because I felt like my performance was the only thing I could control (until even that became out of my control).  Perfection at work, home, music, anything I committed to...it was exhausting and daunting.  Can't tell you how many times I quietly cried myself to sleep because I felt so high maintenance and kept getting on my own nerves...that's when you know you have a problem!

I felt like I was running in circles for nothing except to prove to myself and to others that I still have it, that I can stay in the game, that I can still juggle lots of things and come out on top, that I can still do whatever God wants me to do even though it's not "formal" ministry and there isn't any signs of formal ministry ahead.  I kept running toward the voices and expectations that others in ministry have had for me hoping that I'd run into whatever it is that God wanted for me when He's made it so clear that He has something else in mind and I keep resisting it.

However, a few weeks ago, I was floored when we began discussing Psalm 51 in our Sunday School class and God began speaking to me quite bluntly.  He began reminding me of all that He had done on the cross and what it represented.  God would send friends by to chime in with (not-so-) random thoughts about our identity in Christ.  Some friends were nosy enough to ask what's going on and to help me see what's at the root of all of this.  Through the unearthing, God began speaking even more and weaving this new theme of restoration into my life to where there's no escaping it. 

How I need to be restored -- and I love the synonyms of "restore" because they paint a picture of what I want to see happen in my life.  These words portray rest, strength and peace, not striving, manufactured faith, and running ragged to prove my capability to others.

These synomyns depict a much-needed shift that needs to happen in my mind, thoughts and actions. And they are such a great checklist for whether or not to add something into my already crammed schedule!

Psalm 51:12-13 is a process emptying myself of all that hinders me from real joy and destroying that root of pride.  And it also reminds me that God has a desired order...we cannot reach/teach others until we first are filled with Him.  Before I can make disciples, I have to be a disciple.  Before I can lead others, I must be led first. I'm giving to others what I'm being filled with...and that's a scary thought.  Am I giving the true gospel that changes lives or the man-made version that merely comforts lives?  (Yes, this is already stuff I "know" but have forgotten along the way!) 

Psalm 51:16-17 shoots down my tendencies toward perfection and performance.  All of that pales in comparison of being real before God, of knowing we are so broken and in need of Him.  But it means going beyond that place of acknowledging our need and purposefully living into what God wants us to be in Him.

Restore:  It's reconstructing what I've torn down over the years.  It's reinstating who I am in Christ and claiming it above circumstances and opinions. It's reintroducing the fundamentals of who God is and seeing His beauty and resting in His sovereignty.  It's finding those things that rejuvenate and revitalize my life...rediscovering my passions and letting go of the activities and hobbies that I simply don't enjoy in this season of life.  It's renewing my mind and replacing the defeatist thoughts and life's distractions with God's truth.  It's giving the reins back to God again so He can renew and revive my life in His ways instead of according to my agenda.  It's going back to all the things that I've learned over the years except for this time, it's purposefully letting it be more God than me.  It's purposefully living out John 3:30--"He must increase, but I must decrease."   

Restore ... it's perfect for 2015!  Sometimes, it takes way more work to restore something than it does to trash it and start from the beginning, so I love the promises God has given me in Ephesians 6:10-18, Job 23:10, Philippians 1:6, and Jeremiah 1:4-9.  Now it's time to hang on for the ride ...

Beyond the Steeple & Christianese

Sometimes the best ministry doesn't take place under a steeple.  Nor does ministry always happen through a well thought-out program or during specified ministry hours.  But rather, some of the best ministry happens as we go through our daily routine.  It's unplanned and spontaneous.  It happens in the aisles of a grocery store or in the messy kitchen because the Spirit prompted me to drop of a sanity-saving bag of chocolate, a cup of hot cocoa or a freshly-baked dessert off at someone's house.  Ministry happens in the middle of the park while the kids are swinging or in the parking lot where we just put the kids in the van and gave them an iSomething to play with in order to buy us a few minutes to chat. 

For those of us who have grown up in church where a program can be created for every need, it's sometimes hard to see that ministry isn't all about church.  For me, it's taken the past year of being removed from formal church ministry to see what ministry is all about. Today I was reminded once again of the freedom that comes from viewing ministry as a way of life rather than something you do.  And, today reminded me once again of the of the importance of being available and in the moment so God can work in His ways. 

This afternoon, a woman came over to talk to us while we were browsing the aisles of a chain store.  The more she talked, the more frantic I was in trying to place her, but I had no clue who she was.  She mentioned that we met two summers ago at a homeschool event, and she started sharing what happened in her life since that one and only time we met.  She has been through so much with health issues, personal struggles, inner turmoil and was struggling with major mama-guilt over falling behind with school and not adequately balancing life's challenges and homeschool.  The more she shared, the more agitated she became and it was if a dam burst open and everything rushed out, tears and all.

The more I listened to this weary mama, the more I forgot that we were in the middle of a busy store on a holiday weekend.  I also forgot that I didn't even know her, for her pain and inner turmoil were so real.  What do you do in a situation like that except silently cry out to God for help, words, something?!  Sometimes, "Christianese" (aka the typical things Believers say in times of turmoil in attempt to "help") holds empty meaning especially when someone needs to see God and needs what He can give over everything else (including our words).  Our human vocabulary is so shallow when there is so much life-changing Scripture that we can share instead.  And when the timing isn't right and our words sound like mere "Christianese", the biggest thing to do is to simply pray.  In the middle of the store aisle, I uncharacteristically felt compelled to put my arm around this woman and just pray over her, her family and her homeschool. 

It wasn't so much the prayer but the being in the moment to stop and listen that spoke volumes to both of us.  How often do we rush through life or think because our kids are with us we can't stop long enough to say more than a quick "hi" to someone?  That mom and several other moms I've encountered over the past few weeks were longing for someone to acknowledge their existence and to offer a little encouragement to help them through the day.  More often than not, ministry has unexpectedly happened in store aisles or at the park or in each other's homes--places outside of the walls of the church.  And in these moments, God uses the daily to display Himself and become a personal God while revealing great majesty and authority.  He uses those moments to touch the broken through simple prayer.  He uses those moments as reminders of grace and of an ultimate plan for our lives.  He also uses those moments as windows of opportunity to plant seeds, but yet that requires an alertness and sensitivity that come from being in the moment rather than being consumed with the busyness of the moment. 

Ministry doesn't have to wait for church or for church programs.  There are too many people around us silently suffering that need encouragement.  God has been challenging me with the idea of boldness and confidence in Him so that I may make the most of these moments and to impart His Words rather than my own.  While I love praying, praying out loud is still not the most comfortable thing for me to do.  My prayers are not eloquent or educated, just conversational based on my relationship with God.  It's easy to let our self-consciousness keep us from being in the moment and from following that prompting of the Spirit to pray with someone in our midst.

Every day, I see more and more that life is short and uncertain. Life is hard, messy and painful.  And it seems like it is in the midst of the mess where Kingdom work truly happens--in the moments that are ugly, tough and raw and that need hope and transformation.  In the pain and suffering around us, we don't have time to be self-conscious about our prayers.  We have the Spirit interceding on our behalf (see Romans 8:26-27).  And we are commanded to come boldly in times of need (see Hebrews 4:16) just as much as we are commanded to make the most of encouraging one another while it is still called today, not tomorrow (see Hebrews 3:12-13 and I Thessalonians 5:11)!

What do we need to do in order to make sure that we are truly encouraging one another daily?  There are too many other weary mamas out there that need to see Christ at this very moment and our good intentions (that usually lack follow-through), busyness, and excuses (self-consciousness, fear, etc.) keep shattering windows of opportunity to plant the eternal kind of seeds. 

Hebrews 3:12-13 -- "Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin."

I Thessalonians 5:11 -- "Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing."

Leadership Things I Know but Don't Know

This weekend, we attended the HEAV Leadership Conference for those leading homeschool support groups and co-ops.  It was the first time I attended anything "leadership" since stepping down from lay ministry leadership and taking a year hiatus from it all.

There were many times I second-guessed my decision to step down, but I knew it was necessary.  I didn't realize how much that one-year off was changing and shaping me until I was at the leadership conference this weekend.  All the waiting, all the tears, all the people left behind, all the emotionally-charged prayers and all the waiting (again) was really pruning in disguise after all.  There was rhyme and reason (and even rhythm) when, at times, it seemed like there was nothing left except wondering if God had forgotten about me in the desert.  

Listening to the keynote while being on this side of things was enlightening.  How I wished I had known all of this a few years ago before going into myMISSION/WMU.  Yet sometimes, experience leaves that lasting impression that words could never reach.

Things I heard and read about in 2011 that didn't make sense, made perfect sense this weekend as everything came around in a full circle!  This weekend was a much needed building block that gave me hope and a renewed purpose to keep moving forward as God leads even if it's not what I envisioned for myself and for my family.  I need to keep praying, waiting and seeing this process through until God produces His desired result! 

The keynote speaker encouraged us to read Exodus 17-18 which is one of my favorite leadership passages.  Yet, I realized this weekend that I have never sought to understand it and that is why I keep missing the mark!  This Exodus passage, the keynote and even other leaders I spoke with kept pointing out in roundabout ways that leadership is discipleship (aka relationship)...nothing more, nothing less!  It's not what you do or are qualified to do nor what you have done in the past nor your potential for the future.  It's not about the accolades and glowing recommendations you receive nor about the number or groups that you have led.  I know that, but I don't "know" that at the same time.  The achiever/doer in me still tries to prove that I'm the leader everyone thinks I am while Christ in me is begging to silence that so that I can simply "be" before Him so His overflow in my life is what I am giving to others.

Several times this weekend, the keynote talked about how leadership is pouring into people what God has poured into us and helping them become more like Jesus.  That is what the definition of discipleship is.  Whenever we lead in that mindset, we are continually passing on to others rather than holding on and doing things ourselves and merely having people follow us...another thing I know but don't "know"!

The other thing that kept jumping out at me this weekend was how much a leader needs to let go!  Part of the letting go is clearly defining expectations and directions to the team and then removing my hands from it and letting the team have the experience so they can learn and grow, too.  I look back at my WMU days and see where I had the verbiage and thought I was letting people learn on their own.  And they did do things and did them well but according to how I wanted them done and to my approval, never fully relinquishing control or giving enough trust in the team I had.  If leadership is discipleship, then I must clearly and fully communicate (rather than assume), instruct (rather than give info), and then step back (rather than making sure it's always done right).  I'm really seeing why some things worked and other things didn't with myMISSION/WMU and why some of the leadership hurdles tripped me up.  

Here I am one year later and this leadership hiatus has changed my priorities, shifted mindsets and raised questions that I haven't been able to answer.  However, yesterday, I was reminded of the fact that leadership is about continually passing on to others.  So, what is it I am passing on?  How am I passing it on?  And, why am I passing it on?  The answers to these questions remove the indecision and bring clarity and focus.  I am reminded that God has a distinct plan for leadership and if I follow it as outlined in Exodus 18:17-23 rather than follow any human leader or man-made leadership ideal, the same mistakes will not be made twice!  

Exodus 18:17-23 (MSG): 

"Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people’s representative before God and bring their disputes to him. Teach them his decrees and instructions, and show them the way they are to live and how they are to behave. But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied.”

Unpredictability & Callings

It seems like with every day of homeschooling, we are slipping farther and farther away from my picture of what homeschooling should look like.  I'm also coming to the conclusion that every year is different from the previous year which leaves room for major unpredictability!

I feel like I'm tweaking so much with Sonlight Core B and Sonlight's Language Arts 1 as we naturally speed up in some areas and slow down in others.  The neat, orderly Instructor's Guide that I lived by last year has already become a jumbled mess this year as the days, weeks and pages no longer coordinate with each other as we jump around (yes, I'm Type A to the core).  And then, I hear this tiny voice in the background saying, "Welcome to homeschooling!"  Everything I read about in blogs last year, I was like, "Oh, I'm glad that's not us!" or "They must not be doing something right if they are having those problems."  Oh man, little did I know that would soon be me and now I'm feverishly running back to those blogs searching for answers! ;) 

Last year, our homeschool worked like clockwork. For the most part, my child was very compliant and excited about school.  Yet this year, a month into our school year, and we've yet to have a "normal" school week, much less school day.  My child is compliant when he wants to be, but it's not been without a power struggle despite our classroom rules and consequences.

Today was the never-ending school day as we just couldn't get our act together.  I'm feeling the pressure of deadlines and other things outside of our school life as I try to pick some ministry-related things back up.  The juggling act is starting up once again as I'm feeling the pull between home and ministry.  I want to be focused on homeschooling yet my mind is in a constant whirl with thinking, planning, writing and prepping for some ministry events ahead. 

Each day that I say "yes" to something outside of our homeschool realm, the more I feel the pull and struggle to stay focused here at home. That translates into a rushed school day where we get school done to get it done rather than slow down and enjoy the learning process.  Needless to say, that easily fuels power struggles and impatience.  ...Not a place I want to go back to! 

Yet at the same time, I keep asking "What about the call to lay ministry and local missions that God put on my heart all of these years?"  What do I do when I see that God wants me here at home to disciple and educate my child more than He wants me serving the local church?  I've tried hard to mix the two but both are full-time callings and I'm only one person with limitations.  Yet every day as my strength and health improve, I try to pick back up the old things only to realize all over again that that season has passed.  It's bittersweet.  Some days, that fact brings tears as I feel a grieving period for what once was.  And other days, it brings much joy because I'm finally beginning to accept that God wants me at home for a season.  I keep wrestling over the big question of "Who am I after I lay down that call to ministry for a season?"   

Despite the fact that I really don't know the answer to that, God keeps using the unpredictability of this school year to show me that there is more to His calling than the church.  I've been living life in one way through one channel for so long that I've never considered any other possibilities.  What if being wife and mom is the highest calling of them all?  What if it requires more to disciple my child than it does to disciple others?  What if it means altering everything including my educational ideals for my child in order to focus on the things that really matter long after the textbooks have come and gone? 

So far this year, the days that we have enjoyed the most were the days when our curriculum challenged our thinking and prompted conversations with my first grader that went way beyond education.  There have been days when I couldn't push reading and math anymore because there were basic character issues and heart issues that needed to be addressed.  Sometimes, these character and heart issues are more of a hindrance to learning than anything else.  I refuse to keep putting on temporary band-aids in order to check off a box in our Instructor's Guide because the boxes will always be there to check off, but this teachable, pliable moment with my child might not be. 

As I wish God would make it ever-so-clear to me what my calling is, I'm seeing that He has already made it clear and is continuing to make it clear in spite of my questions and hesitations.  As scary as unpredictability is, it is where I see the beauty and blessings of life the most.  It's where God is working.  And, it feels like home to me...literally and figuratively.

Getting By in Blind Churches

(Disclaimer:  This post is a culmination of events not geared toward any one particular church, ministry, group or person. And leave it to God to really echo the things I've been reflecting on through one of the speakers at our Association Annual meeting on the first night--a much-needed breath of fresh air!) 

Are we as the church buying into a false illusion that because we hosted this neat community event or special church service with exciting activities and entertaining special guests that we have done all we can to impact our community and lead someone to Christ?  What happens when the church thinks they are doing outreach when, in reality, there is nothing outward about it except for a Facebook invite or open invitation in the newspaper?  And, what gives when a guest walks into the church or a church-sponsored event and no one makes personal contact with them (I Corinthians 13:1-7)?

How do we as the church continually fail to understand that whenever someone walks into our doors (or groups) that they are searching for something?  It could be salvation, but what if it's something as "simple" as a word of encouragement or a nugget of hope or a moment of shared friendship--something to help them through a dark time in their life, something to make sense of all the confusion, something to explain the unexpected blessings or provisions?

Over the past 1 1/2 years, I've had this unique experience of visiting and/or having contact with various churches and Christian groups throughout Virginia and in other states.  Though every visit and/or contact has been God-ordained and quite an adventure, a few churches have made an impression so deep that it seriously boggles my mind.  How can we as the church continually miss the obvious?  And if I, as a young woman who grew up in church/ministry, feel soooo out of place in church, what is it like for someone who has never experienced church? 

Not too long ago, we attended a church gathering quite a few miles away from here.  What was supposed to have been this "exciting, incredible, you can't miss it" gathering ended for us about ten minutes after we arrived as only one person in the sea of faces acknowledged our presence and made us feel wanted.  Many looked our way but quickly looked away so not to make eye contact at our questioning faces (we had no clue where to go or what to do/schedule, etc.).  We felt like total outsiders.  I kept thinking, what if we weren't Christians and received that same kind of response?  What in that situation would make us want to know more about Christ and about the church?  What would draw us back there?  Honestly, nothing.

Unfortunately, what happened at that gathering has been somewhat representative of this past year.  For all the good that churches do, there is still something lacking as we have become blinded to what we have become as the body of Christ.  That blindness keeps us from discovering what all God has in mind for the church.   

We fail to see the people because all we see is ourselves, our groups of friends, our familiarity.  We fail to see souls because we have become so immune to our own souls, devoid of a consistent relationship with God yet knowing exactly how to turn on and off that relationship when needed (especially when in Christian circles).

We fail to see that Christ is everything because we fill ourselves up with anything that looks good and then try to cram God into whatever room is left for Him.  We watch the same TV shows and movies, drink the same drinks, wear the same skimpy clothes (well, if we can fit into them), say the same "choice words" and have become so much like our world that we blend in just enough to get by.  But is getting by what God meant for us as His children?  Is getting by what God meant for the church?  No...not at all (I Corinthians 10:23-24)!  And, sadly, we are so blinded as Christians and as the church--if not by our traditions then by our culture (I Corinthians 8:9-13).

What's the cure?  But, then again, what's the point especially when so many in our churches don't even care (or care to the point of loyalty to man over God)?  Who has the courage to take a stand, to live consistently even if it means living differently so the world can see an unmuddled God (II Corinthians 3:17-18)?  The church as it is isn't working at 100%.

So since I can't just go out and change the church, the question becomes how can I be the change I want to see?  How can I best live out the church as God has shown me so that others can see Him and His direction and desire for the church?  How can I contribute to the church (II Corinthians 2:7-8)?  And in those churches that we go to where we would much rather get a speeding ticket than endure another moment there, how does God want us to respond aside from excusing ourselves out of there as fast as we can?  What kind of example is that setting for my family as well?  It gets a little personal when we put that kind of spin on it especially when we see where we contribute to the problem by not having the courage to do something about it.

...Just food for thought--take it for what it's worth! 

I Corinthians 13:1-7

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.  If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.  If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

I Corinthians 10:23-24

Looking at it one way, you could say, “Anything goes. Because of God’s immense generosity and grace, we don’t have to dissect and scrutinize every action to see if it will pass muster.” But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well.

I Corinthians 8:9-13

But God does care when you use your freedom carelessly in a way that leads a fellow believer still vulnerable to those old associations to be thrown off track.  For instance, say you flaunt your freedom by going to a banquet thrown in honor of idols, where the main course is meat sacrificed to idols. Isn’t there great danger if someone still struggling over this issue, someone who looks up to you as knowledgeable and mature, sees you go into that banquet? The danger is that he will become terribly confused—maybe even to the point of getting mixed up himself in what his conscience tells him is wrong.  Christ gave up his life for that person. Wouldn’t you at least be willing to give up going to dinner for him—because, as you say, it doesn’t really make any difference? But it does make a difference if you hurt your friend terribly, risking his eternal ruin! When you hurt your friend, you hurt Christ. A free meal here and there isn’t worth it at the cost of even one of these “weak ones.” So, never go to these idol-tainted meals if there’s any chance it will trip up one of your brothers or sisters.

II Corinthians 3:17-18

Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.

II Corinthians 2:7-8

Now is the time to forgive this man and help him back on his feet. If all you do is pour on the guilt, you could very well drown him in it. My counsel now is to pour on the love.

Persevering Through Paralyzing Life Lessons

My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects.

God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.

Hebrews 12:5-11 (MSG)

Back in the winter, disappointment, frustration and impatience got the best of me as I reacted instead of prayed about a situation.  I vented out of pure emotion (in an email of all things) and it didn't stay confidential.  Though it sounds like a little thing and "we've all done that" at least once in our lives, it turned out to be costly in so many ways.  I doubt that it was as costly to those who received the email vent as it was to me personally.

It was one of those life lessons that showed me reality, humbled me in unspoken ways and thoroughly broke me so I could see myself as God sees me (the good, the bad and the ugly--especially the areas that were lacking Him).  It's probably been the most defining moment for me this year. 

Though many months have passed since "the email", the consequences have been just as powerful as they were the day it happened as pockets of division (in more than one relationship) and bitterness began to creep in.  And even though the months have been lined with consequences, "the email" brought many blessings that spoke so much to the extent of God's grace, the healing that comes through community and the strength that comes from finding our full identity in Christ.

There were days when this mistake paralyzed, distracted and haunted me as it was hard to recover from.  Every time I think I "got it" and learned all there was to learn from that situation, God would unearth something else until we finally reached the root of the issue.

It's been so tempting to give a cheesy excuse and walk away from it all because, face it, it's flat-out easier to do that than to deal with the issues.  Yet, deep down inside, I knew I needed this.  I needed to hit rock bottom in order to see where I was lacking.  I needed to see that God wanted way more than skill, creativity, strategy and forward movement (even if it was for Him).  I needed to see that ministry is all about love and working in harmony with others as the body of Christ.  And if we can't do that, then we have no right leading others toward Christ.  Because when love isn't at the root of any relationship, it's not reflecting Christ but ourselves (and that's a scary place to be in)! 

I've been praying a lot about whether or not to simply cease everything and spend a year learning what it means to simply love others out of Christ's love.  But, God's response continually leads me back to revisiting my leadership philosophy, operating out of that for awhile and then making a decision (which I finally figured out what what my coach meant by "leadership philosophy" and all it entailed...something I didn't grasp before "the email").  As God helps me live out that leadership philosophy, gradual shifts are occuring that speak of God's transformational love and second chances (or third chances, maybe fourth...lost count).   

Today of all days, months after all of this happened, I ran across Hebrews 12:5-11 (above) and everything that has been going on instantly made sense!  For months, I've allowed myself be totally crushed by God's disciplining because I failed to understand the intent of it.  As I look at all the lessons, challenges and consequences that resulted from "the email", I see where it really has been training all along!  It was purposeful, necessary yet loving all at the same time.  God was in the midst of training me to see Him as my Father.  And through seeing His Fatherly love and intent not only through these verses but in all the things we've been learning in our homeschool Bible class, I could finally let it all go.  And through the letting go, I've been able to truly live again resulting in this peaceful balance that speaks so much of Him. 

No, I don't have it all down and I still have moments where, ummmm, my mouth shows where love is lacking.  But, there are moments when I get it, when I see what God can do and wants to do long-term.  It's going to take work, perseverance and living life through the power of the Spirit to master these concepts. Encouragement to press on through this training is laid out in Hebrews 12:1-3. 

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Compared to the cross and what resulted from the cross, it's worth seeing discipline and training all the way through.   

(And KT, while the devotional you sent totally related to where I was at and it was so timely, it didn't fully click until Hebrews this morning where all sorts of connections were made!  As I wrote this blog, I kept thinking that all of this sounded vaguely familiar and then was reminded of you! ;)  Thank you for planting the seeds!)

Not About the Answer but the Process

"Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are--face-to-face!  They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone.  And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete.  We're free of it!  All of us!  Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of His face.  And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become more like Him."  II Cor. 3:16-18 (MSG)

Decisions and changes face me once again.  With these decisions come so many questions and very few answers.  The longer I go without direction and a concrete "I know this is exactly what God wants me to do" type of answer, the more impatience and frustration grow and the more persistent I become in demanding an answer.  I know God doesn't work that way nor does He cater to our demands.  I'm constantly reminded of Acts 17:24-25 and how God doesn't need us and then of Jeremiah 1:4-9 and how God has a plan for my life.  Despite what I know, this inner battle between "needing" answers versus faith always escalates until suddenly, everything stops as God speaks loud and clear once again:  will I let go of the timing, the plans, the details, the what-ifs, the fears in order to trust Him?  He's not asking me to do anything, be anything or accomplish anything...He's simply asking me to trust Him.

Even though I still lack "the answer" and have some hesitations, I keep getting the same response from God.  "Be still.  It's not about the answer right now, it's about the process."  It's about learning to be patient enough to seek Him instead of forge ahead with this decision and hope that He'll throw up huge red flags to tell me "no" if "yes" isn't the right answer.  It's about taking time to let the process run its course, about slowing down long enough to enjoy all the little discoveries along the way.

Last night, I ran across II Corinthians 3:16-18 and it showed me why God hasn't given me answers but rather many awesome discoveries.  These discoveries are not only laying a foundation for what lies ahead, but they are allowing me to experience the "living, personal presence" of God and see the work of His Spirit in a way I never have before.  Between coaching, mentoring, sweet friendships and the all the lessons God has been teaching me over the past year, everything is starting to really come together in powerful ways that allow me to see and experience God anew.

Through this process of seeking Him and only Him, I see how He is transforming my life, my attitudes and maturing my desires.  I'm seeing more of who He is and gaining a deeper understanding of what ministry is about.  I've also seen that it's not that I've had it wrong all of these years, but rather I've been living out the understanding I've had of Christ and of ministry at that time.  There is a constant progression from where I was 13 years ago when I first started getting my feet wet in church ministry to today but it totally corresponds to my relationship (and mainly, abiding time) with God.  As our understanding and relationship with God grow, the way we think, behave and lead follows suit.  And if it doesn't, I'm really seeing that it always traces back to to a lack of a consistent relationship with God. 

We can't be in God's presence without it affecting us ... "our lives gradually become brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become more like Him."  Because of that, I want to let go of all the questions and this quest for direction in exchange for His presence.  And I love the fact that that is enough! 


(lol...okay, Luann...I know this is something you've challenged me with several times over the past year--to stop seeking and just be in His presence....I finally understood what you were getting at!  Thank you!!) 

Beating Down Closed Doors

Tonight is one of those nights when I wake up and suddenly realize where I'm at.  I'm standing here knocking once again on a tightly closed door.  It's a door that has been closed for awhile.  However, I find myself cycling back around, knocking once again, just hoping someone will answer because I believe that what is behind this door is helpful, inspiring, exciting and filled with new opportunities to serve God. 

But as I stand outside this door, I peer through the window and see things going on behind the door that make me question, make me hesitate and make me wonder if it's where God can use me best.  I feel unrest, confusion and frustration every time I get a glimpse of what is behind that door.  Yet, I still stand here...knocking, hoping and watching many others walk right through this door as it's wide open to them.

There comes a point when I have to wonder how many times a person can knock on a door and it still remains closed.  Common sense would say to move on...that this isn't my door.  Yet, my feet are still here and my hand is still reaching up to knock thinking that what is behind this door somehow holds the answer to what God wants me to do. 

Yet, on the outside of this door as I watch others walking through it tonight, it suddenly hits me...what am I still doing here???  Why am I knocking on this closed door again?  When will I get a clue that this isn't my door?  When will I understand that God has something different for me?  When will I stop knocking and start trusting...trusting that I don't need this door to fulfill God's plan for my life?  What if this door is meant to steer me into something more, something tailor-made that doesn't fit the mold (kind of like everything else God has done for me)?  And, when did I even start caring about fitting the mold anyway? 

Yet I'm still here, still knocking, still hesitant to fully embrace all that God has outside that door; hesitant to take the first steps away because I know what it will cost.  I stand here still scared to let this door go because I think I "need" it when in reality I need God waaaaay more than I will ever need this door.  The door makes sense, it's logical and I know what's behind that door--it's familiar and safe and I know I can navigate it...it's everything opposite of following God. 

Yet, God doesn't need opened and closed doors...He just needs people who are willing to turn their backs on these doors and simply follow Him.  Can I stop knocking long enough in order to let go and simply and blindly follow Him? 

Who I Really Am

I never realized how powerful and foundational the answer to the question, "Who Am I?" was until this year.  Before April 2011, I thought I knew who I was but it wasn't until God led me to myMISSION PIEDMONT that all of that was challenged and is still being challenged through a creative and detailed chain of events that only God could arrange.  When God wants you to know Him and for you to truly understand what He thinks about you, He is persistent and patient in helping you become aware of who you are in Him and who He created you to be (well, that is, once you give Him the green light to proceed).

It didn't reallly click until tonight that God started this journey of discovering who I am through the first promise He gave me after I said yes to serving in our Association--Jeremiah 1:5-9a.  Through this verse, God began planting seeds that maybe there is something bigger at play, that this isn't random or because no one else wanted to do this, but He has a definite plan and I am part of it. 

Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying:  “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”  Then said I:  “Ah, Lord God!  Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.”  But the Lord said to me:  “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ For you shall go to all to whom I send you, And whatever I command you, you shall speak.  Do not be afraid of their faces, For I am with you to deliver you,” says the Lord. Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me: "Behold, I have put My words in your mouth..."

A few months after that, we began our first myMISSION Bible study which dealt with our identity and the lies and truths that we believe about ourselves.  It's where I first noticed that I had an onion that needed to be peeled.  As the first couple of layers came off, I started to see things that I had never seen before.  Well, nevermind, I assumed that God could leave that onion alone and work around it and keep using me "as is".  My thoughts were that I'd eventually mature and life would go on and God would show me new things, so I really wouldn't have to peel that onion, right?!  But, it just doesn't work that way (attempt #143 to work around the onion should've been the first clue)! 

It was time to face the truth that knowing who I am in Christ is foundational to leadership.  If I don't know who I am, what I believe in and Who I am following (God), I will continually miss the mark as a leader, wife and mom.  This is where ministry (and even family) becomes diminished as my focus becomes more on trying to do everything, do it perfectly and please everyone in the process.  It then becomes a Galatians 1:10 question!

Needless to say, God impressed this lesson upon my heart numerous times through having my leadership coach echo the same thing above to reading "The Shack" to our second myMISSION Bible study (which took identity a step further and required actions like forgiveness, boldness in standing up for yourself, etc.) to mentors bringing up the whole identity piece and now back to another book, "Search for Significance".  Then, to top it off, random songs on the radio to sermons to conversations with friends always went back to identity.  

I have peeled back many layers to this identity onion. Every time I think I've got it, I realize that there is still more hiding underneath!  It's been an incredible journey of self-discovery and of God-discovery.  It's been one of the most exciting, challenging, painful, humble, joyful and rewarding journeys that I have ever taken with God.  The awesome part is that it's not over yet!  There is still a lot left to internalize as I learn to make God my default and truth.  There are speechless moments when God gives me reminders of where we were last year on this journey and where we are today!  Those reminders combined with His Word give me the hope necessary to persevere on this journey! 

Through this journey, I've learned many things about myself that have made me say, "Ah-Ha!!!!  So that is why...!"  

• Apostle / Prophet (3DM/Pentagon lifeshape) 
• INTJ (Myers-Briggs)
• Focus, Achiever, Intellection, Command, Strategic (From "Now Discover Your Strengths") 
•  Achiever, Strategic, Input, Restorative, Intellection (From "Living Your Strengths")

These are things that are wired within me that I didn't understand.  Actually, these are things I've considered my weaknesses all my life as they have continually compelled me to move forward with God in new areas, ministries and ways never putting down roots.  Yet learning about the fivefold ministry purposes brought it all together and opened a new door to freedom, possibility and opportunity as it allows me to unashamedly embrace what God is doing rather than fight against it.

When I take these things and compare them with all that God has done in and with my life and my family over the past 12 years, I see the truths in Jeremiah 1:5-9a ever so clearly!

But the best part is that even if I didn't have the above strengths and my only strength was to flip the TV remote all day long (bad example, I know...can't think of anything better at the moment), God still cares about me!  Justification, reconciliation, propitiation and regeneration are still for me!  The cross is still for me!  Nothing and no one (including myself) can change that, discredit that, lessen that or take that away from me.  

I am "deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted and complete in Christ!"  And to me, that is ever healing, freeing and life-giving.  Everything else fades into the background compared to that!  Wow!