The Truth of Choosing Life (#fmf)

No matter what we’re facing, no matter what our minds tell us, no matter what actions we’ve taken, no matter where we are (or aren’t) at in life, no matter how happy or how sad we are, no matter what we’re feeling, when it all comes down to it, we all are given a choice that is summed up by the truth found in Deuteronomy 30:19-20:

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days…”

To choose life is to not only choose to physically live, but it means to choose things that bring life to us. These can be things as simple as doing one kind thing for ourselves each day (to remind ourselves that we matter as much as the people that we constantly give to), experimenting with a different solution (instead of repeating the same one that keeps us stuck), focusing our mind on the blessings right around us (to help chase away all the things that keep us worried or sad), pausing to think of the next right step (instead of mindlessly wander through our days), or reaching out to someone whether it’s a friend or a professional who can lend hope, perspective, and help (instead of don the Super Woman costume one more day wondering how to make the inside match the outside).

To choose death is to give up trying to find a different way, to stay silent and trapped, to resign to the torment of the mind thinking that you don’t deserve any better, to continue engaging in unhealthy behaviors or patterns, to secretly cling to lies hoping that somehow it will all be okay, to hide or run from the anger, hurt, and disappointment only adding to what’s already there, or to keep putting on the smiley face while dying inside not daring to risk vulnerability in life-altering moments.

Over the past month, I’ve had friends who have chosen life and friends who have chosen death. My friends who choose life risk what little they have for something they don’t have. They learn how to choose life when everything in them is shouting death. They have the courage to let others hope for them while they are struggling to take the next steps. And they discover a lot in the journey that they never would have otherwise. And for my friends who choose death, they lose their life (either physically or metaphorically). That sounds cold and final, but there is so much more to be had in the choice of living. There is so much more life yet to be lived. There are people to be loved and who want to love you. There are other ways out of the pain even if it feels like it might take a lifetime to find a way out. There is hope to be found even if it means literally clinging to someone else to help you through death-moments. 

In order to choose life, it sometimes feels like death as we lose familiar things (mindsets, patterns, behaviors) that have fueled us with a false sense of security, control, or personality. And sometimes, in choosing life, we might not even know what real “life” looks like and that is where the “He is your life” part of Deut. 30:20 gives hope. We aren’t stuck with our lives as we know them to be but rather given a new lives filled with freedom, courage, and adventure as we choose life one step at a time. We don’t have to have it all figured out when we take the next step, but somehow in all the stepping, our lives come together for something much bigger than we dared to dream (and if you don’t believe it, find someone else who does and borrow their hope for awhile—there is no shame in that at all because you are choosing life by reaching out for strength to stand until you can stand on your own).

My heart continues to grieve deeply for a precious friend who, in the heat of the battle, chose death a few weeks ago. Yet in her death, she is still pointing me to God and reminding me to “choose life”-- not just a functioning life, but a thriving life.

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes (although, I usually go longer bcs FMF helps fuel that spark in me to write).  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "TRUTH."

Celebrating Motherhood (#fmf)

There is a famous English idiom that says, "A picture is worth a thousand words." I don't know any other way to approach this week's FMF word prompt of "mom" than showing you what being a mom means to me! 

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes (although, I usually go longer bcs FMF helps fuel that spark in me to write).  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "MOM."

The "Should Umbrella" (#fmf)

Last semester in one of my seminary classes, a professor made a passing observation that impacted me more than any deep theological thought we covered that night. She read Lamentations 3:22-23.

 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

The teacher then explained how God's grace and mercy are continually raining down on us yet we have those seasons where we are not feeling it at all. We wonder why everyone else can experience God or why they have peace or why they have their act together and here we are struggling to even roll out of bed. And we lay there crying out to God asking Him for His grace and mercy and we see it falling all around us. Yet, it's still not reaching us. So we try harder and it seems like every sermon or song adds to the "shoulds": We should read the Bible more. We should pray more. We should attend every church service and activity. We shouldn't spend so much time on social media (so we can be in our Bible more, of course--yes, that's true but sometimes you can be in the Bible all day and it's like hitting a wall). We shouldn't be frustrated with our families. We shouldn't sweat the small stuff....and the should/shouldn't list goes on.

We strive harder, perform more, and juggle additional things trying to do all the things we think we should be doing rather than freely holding out our arms and receiving all of the grace and mercy that is currently raining down on us. We can't hold out our hands because we have opened up a "should umbrella". This "should umbrella" creates a barrier from the grace and mercy that's raining down on us. At times, we are oblivious to the fact that we've opened the "should umbrella" because we are too busy striving harder to do all the things we think should be doing and nothing is changing. We become frustrated, discouraged, and trapped, unaware that we are living out of that should/trapped identity instead of the identity God has given us through His grace and mercy.

And this is where my mind diverts for a second--what if we have the wrong idea about umbrellas? Think about it...imagine a rainy day and imagine yourself as the little girl you once were running barefooted and jumping into the biggest puddles you could find. Do you remember the squeals and laughter? Do you remember how you would twirl around carefree in the rain or how you would turn your face upward and open your mouth to catch the rain drops? Can you hear the girlish giggles and exclamations of delight as the cool soothing rain splashes all over you? Nothing else mattered in those moments of time as you soaked in the rain! 

Oh, how I wish I could be that little girl one more time and experience that carefree twirl to remember exactly what it was like! But yet, what if the woman I am today scoffs at the idea of letting go long enough to try a carefree twirl in the rain? What if my list of "shoulds" keeps me where I'm at--always on the edge of longing but rarely receiving? Maybe it's time to close the umbrella and experience the rain--to let the healing drops of grace and mercy mix in with the tears that I've held back for so long, to let the gesture of freely open arms be a symbol of my broken heart ready to be healed, to let go of limitations (both real and perceived) that snuff out that unrestrained child-like wonder?

“...Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3-4

When I close my "should umbrella", that is when I'm choosing God's path and design for my life rather than letting others (including myself), church, or "religion" dictate who God should be for me as I exhaust myself carrying out all of the shoulds/shouldn'ts.

Drawing isn't one of my skill sets, but I enjoy creative journaling. As a visual person, creative journaling gives me a way to capture the images in my mind as I read and process the things God is trying to teach me. Below is the creative journal entry that I doodled through the rest of the lecture to help me visualize how much we miss with our "should umbrellas". It hit me as I looked at what I doodled that all I have to do is to decide to close the "should umbrella" and to try to twirl around in God's grace and mercy. How can you lose with that kind of rain pouring down all over you?

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes (although, I usually go longer bcs FMF helps fuel that spark in me to write).  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "SHOULD."