The "Should Umbrella" (#fmf)

Last semester in one of my seminary classes, a professor made a passing observation that impacted me more than any deep theological thought we covered that night. She read Lamentations 3:22-23.

 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

The teacher then explained how God's grace and mercy are continually raining down on us yet we have those seasons where we are not feeling it at all. We wonder why everyone else can experience God or why they have peace or why they have their act together and here we are struggling to even roll out of bed. And we lay there crying out to God asking Him for His grace and mercy and we see it falling all around us. Yet, it's still not reaching us. So we try harder and it seems like every sermon or song adds to the "shoulds": We should read the Bible more. We should pray more. We should attend every church service and activity. We shouldn't spend so much time on social media (so we can be in our Bible more, of course--yes, that's true but sometimes you can be in the Bible all day and it's like hitting a wall). We shouldn't be frustrated with our families. We shouldn't sweat the small stuff....and the should/shouldn't list goes on.

We strive harder, perform more, and juggle additional things trying to do all the things we think we should be doing rather than freely holding out our arms and receiving all of the grace and mercy that is currently raining down on us. We can't hold out our hands because we have opened up a "should umbrella". This "should umbrella" creates a barrier from the grace and mercy that's raining down on us. At times, we are oblivious to the fact that we've opened the "should umbrella" because we are too busy striving harder to do all the things we think should be doing and nothing is changing. We become frustrated, discouraged, and trapped, unaware that we are living out of that should/trapped identity instead of the identity God has given us through His grace and mercy.

And this is where my mind diverts for a second--what if we have the wrong idea about umbrellas? Think about it...imagine a rainy day and imagine yourself as the little girl you once were running barefooted and jumping into the biggest puddles you could find. Do you remember the squeals and laughter? Do you remember how you would twirl around carefree in the rain or how you would turn your face upward and open your mouth to catch the rain drops? Can you hear the girlish giggles and exclamations of delight as the cool soothing rain splashes all over you? Nothing else mattered in those moments of time as you soaked in the rain! 

Oh, how I wish I could be that little girl one more time and experience that carefree twirl to remember exactly what it was like! But yet, what if the woman I am today scoffs at the idea of letting go long enough to try a carefree twirl in the rain? What if my list of "shoulds" keeps me where I'm at--always on the edge of longing but rarely receiving? Maybe it's time to close the umbrella and experience the rain--to let the healing drops of grace and mercy mix in with the tears that I've held back for so long, to let the gesture of freely open arms be a symbol of my broken heart ready to be healed, to let go of limitations (both real and perceived) that snuff out that unrestrained child-like wonder?

“...Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3-4

When I close my "should umbrella", that is when I'm choosing God's path and design for my life rather than letting others (including myself), church, or "religion" dictate who God should be for me as I exhaust myself carrying out all of the shoulds/shouldn'ts.

Drawing isn't one of my skill sets, but I enjoy creative journaling. As a visual person, creative journaling gives me a way to capture the images in my mind as I read and process the things God is trying to teach me. Below is the creative journal entry that I doodled through the rest of the lecture to help me visualize how much we miss with our "should umbrellas". It hit me as I looked at what I doodled that all I have to do is to decide to close the "should umbrella" and to try to twirl around in God's grace and mercy. How can you lose with that kind of rain pouring down all over you?

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes (although, I usually go longer bcs FMF helps fuel that spark in me to write).  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "SHOULD."