Monday, June 22

fear // five minute friday

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes.  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "FEAR".

No worries...I haven't forgotten about FMF. Life happened. We had our state homeschool Convention June 11th-13th and early in the morning on the 14th, my grandma unexpectedly died. This past week has been one big blur in which we cried, rejoiced, cried some more, and rejoiced some more for she is with Jesus and no longer suffering.

Psalm 23:4 and 6 says, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

My grandma exemplified this verse. She did not fear death for her heart was already with Jesus. She lived her days to live for Him and she lived to be with Him.

There is so much to her death that is so fresh in my mind...so much that I don't know how to put into words...so much about her that I will miss and am scared I will forget.

There is so much of me that just wants to have that final hug, to have that final conversation, to share one more prayer, to have had the chance to say good-bye like the rest of my family did. Yet, God is faithful. He has given me so many gifts throughout my grandma's death this week to let me know that He knows these unfulfilled desires. And one by one, I've seen Him fulfill these desires in unique and special ways that speak of His unwavering love for me. He has given me strength, peace, and comfort like I've never experienced. And most of all, He's given me hope in fresh ways for in her death, there is much life, healing, and freedom.

My heart and emotions have been all over the place because while there is much sorrow, there is much beauty. Fear is replaced with assurance. Insecurity is replaced with surety. Legalism is replaced with relationship. And what once was, no longer is...in many different areas. God renews. God redeems. God restores...even in death.
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2 comments:

  1. UnknownJune 23, 2015 at 12:05 AM

    I am so sorry to hear of your grandmother's death. I lost my grandma last year as well and I was really close to her too. What a great lady she was to have lived her life with such a love for the Lord. I love what you said near the end: Fear is replaced with assurance. Insecurity is replaced with surety. Legalism is replaced with relationship. And what once was, no longer is...in many different areas. God renews. God redeems. God restores...even in death.

    By the way, I saw in your description that you have a child with a nut allergy. I have two children with severe food allergies, nuts included. It's tough and that is something I fear often with them having had anaphylaxis many times. I also homeschool as well. It sounds like we have a lot in common.

    Blessings,
    Carrie
    http://unspeakablejoymovement.blogspot.com

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    1. AmyJune 23, 2015 at 9:10 AM

      Carrie, thank you for taking the time to comment! It's been interesting and at times overwhelming trying to navigate all of this...am painfully aware of what all is missing yet find smiles in the memories and thankfulness to have had her my entire life. I have no clue how people who don't know God find hope in their grief, for He is the one that is helping me get through each day.

      Oh yes...this allergy life. I have to keep reminding myself that God must've thought that I could handle it, stress and all, to entrust me with an anaphylactic child. It's taxing at times but it makes us view life through a different lens. When you see your child have that anaphylactic reaction, one bite = potential death becomes all too real and you do what you have to do to keep your little ones safe. We have a whole host of food and environmental allergies w/our little guy. Can't wait to check out your blog and get to know you!

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