For the first 21 years of my life, I was raised with living up to a standard and given the Christian Code of Conduct. You live a certain way, talk a certain way, behave a certain way and dress a certain way. You never have a chance to really think for yourself because you become what you believe without really believing it. You are immersed in the culture you are surrounded in, never doubting it because you have nothing else to compare it to. The "why" is lost through routine and the "want to" is more like a "have to".
Then suddenly, one day you wake up as a young adult and realize that you don't have to do those things any more. You are free to do whatever you want. You begin to make little decisions that seem to have no consequence and lead you to a better, less-restricted life. Over time, you become less and less like you once were yet still believing in the same God yet questioning the validity of minor aspects of the "Christian Code of Conduct" while still hanging on to the major beliefs. Some changes are due to maturing into adulthood and others are because you never understood the why behind it all.
Years later, as you are well into adulthood, something happens that shakes you to your core as you realize just how far you've really strayed from those childhood days. You begin to see where little choices made over the years pulled you toward a man-made ideal or a feel-good standard. You are living a good life that seems overtly godly, but you are still missing the why. You begin to see where little compromises in the gray areas led you that much further away without even realizing it. You see where areas that had once been open to God had become shut because it became about you and you dictating that relationship with God rather than developing that relationship with God. It became about relevancy rather than reverence, about succeeding in ministry rather than the sacredness of the church. It became about comfort rather than claiming the things that set us apart as Believers, and about trying to fit Christianity into our culture rather than living out the Word without compromise.
During our church search, we saw so many different things. We saw where churches worshipped God and where they worshipped self. We saw how they responded to needs or how they scoffed at needs. We saw where they embraced the community and actively served the community and then where they wanted to reach out to the community but just as long as the community stayed outside of the church doors. We were left wondering where God wanted us and what He wanted us to learn from all of this.
Back in March, we walked in the door of one church where I was instantly transported back to the first 21 years of my life. I saw the standard and Code of Conduct. I saw the dress (aka real dresses...like something I gave up wearing after I got my BJU diploma because I discovered the freedom of wearing pants to church and that wearing pants to church didn't change my Christianity)! I saw the once-familiar culture that could easily become routine once again...a routine I don't want my child to know because I want him to know the richness of relationship over routine. Yet, it was the place were I felt most at home. For the first time since my SC days, my heart finally felt at home. We found our way back into the culture that we had, choice by choice, moved so far away from without realizing it.
I first knew something was different when I realized the sacredness and reverence of each service. There was seriousness and depth that stemmed from being in the Word, not just talking about the Word. I didn't realize how much we were craving that reverence until we could name it that Sunday we visited. In a society that is far from God as it can get, I want church to be respite from it all--a place where we can rest and not have to fight against culture for the three hours we are in there; a place that challenges you to be set apart and that will encourage you to live to the higher standard found in God's Word--that is the norm, not the rarity.
There is so much found in the leadership of this church that is godly, respectable and peaceable. The leaders are praying together and striving to do what is right before God and their families. The men are in charge and they are taking on the leadership in their church and in their homes. The women aren't running the show nor destroying the show with their idle talk and poisonous gossip (if it's there, I'm not privy to it and want to keep it that way). And this church tells you upfront that they are not perfect but that they are learning and growing together ... it's more of a journey together rather the air of "We've already arrived, sorry you haven't!" that we've encountered in several other churches. We want to be a part of a learning and growing culture where there is seriousness and depth centered around God's Word not only in the adult program but the children's program as well.
We found a women's Bible study where small talk is obsolete because that social time is spent learning from the Word. The study is centered around pure Truth because Bibles are opened rather than the study guides. The discussion isn't about how you feel but rather what God says and His desired response. It's what Bible study used to be before it evolved over the years, before the Beth Moores and the Priscilla Shirers where bandwagon triumphs the Bible.
On Sunday, I wore my first skirt to church in over 9 years. My child had no clue what in the world I was wearing but even he knew it signaled something special. Of course, he and his father were hilarious in lavishing me with compliments. But for the first time in years, I felt like church WAS special. I also didn't feel out of place between my two guys who go to church every Sunday looking their best in dress shirts and ties. I've been waiting for the day when my child would ask me, "Mom, why do you make me wear a tie when you wear your black jeans and don't dress up with us?" But since we've been at this church and through observing what goes on during the services, Sundays are special once again because we are remembering that we serve a Holy God that deserves more than we can give. So why am I so resistant about wearing a dress/skirt? Surely what I wear shouldn't affect my relationship with God...and it doesn't. Yet it is those hidden heart attitudes that I've held on to all of these years (stubbornness, lack of submission, selfishness, etc.) that surface every single time I walk into that church. God is urging me to see the scaredness of His house like I saw it as a child and to allow my family the pure joy of having one special day every week that is set aside just for God, not just simply go to church.
Yet this time, instead of church being routine or an assumed culture, it's a chosen way of life based on conviction and grace. Over the past two years, homeschooling has revealed God's design for our family and for His people. We have been challenged to a higher standard of living and have seen God help us develop the backbone needed to make tough decisions that help us fall in line with His Word and to endure the ridicule and gossip that go along with that. It only seems fitting that God would lead us to a church that raises the bar and that challenges and supports us to live holy lives before God. This is what we want for our family yet with the hopes of instilling the why over rote and relationship over tradition.
Sometimes we have to go through life's trials and to learn things the really hard way so we can see a clearer picture of the way God wants us to live and act as Believers. Do we truly represent Him or a man-made version of Him? I Peter 1:13-15 says, "Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy." We are thankful that, through God's grace and strength, we can rise above ignorance and grow into the life which God desires of us...holiness.
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