Turning Weakness Into Strength

There have been moments this school year that I feel like I truly cannot get my act together.  It's not the curriculum.  It's not my child.  It's me!  I find myself demanding perfection from my child, getting upset with him when he wants to goof off during school, and just expecting him to maintain these impossibly high standards.  I find myself reacting to him as I react to the stress of this new and unpredictable season of life that I have no clue what to do with. 

Our days start off well and centered around the Word.  But as the hours creep on and I see all the chores that aren't getting done around the house or all the things that I'm missing out on or could be doing, I begin to rush my child and his learning so I can "get on with life".

I have been in tears several times this past week over how many times I've told my child, "Hurry up!"  "Come on, you need to focus and hurry and get this done so we can get our other things done!"  There is this spirit of impatience that has permeated our education lately and I hate it.  There have been moments where I've cried out to God wondering if I'm doing more harm to my child by having him next to me as I go through this personal wilderness rather than sending him off to school for someone else to teach him (forgetting the fact that they might be in their own wilderness as well). 

As I stop to reflect on what's going wrong and why I can't get it together, I notice where my daily time with God is being rushed, too.  I notice where it's easier to breathe prayers as I rush about trying to catch up on everything after 2 1/2 months of sickness rather than take the time to sit and enjoy being in the presence of God.  I also notice where I've become sucked into this vaccum of myself as I've lost sight of God's purpose for my life after being bombarded with sickness.   Everything that has been comfortable and familiar to me is gone, including that security that comes from having great health that you don't realize you're banking on until it's taken away. 

But thankfully, I'm starting realize that I don't have to be a slave to my circumstances nor my runaway thoughts!  It doesn't have to stay this way! A change of focus is much needed.  It's not a coincidence that nearly every time I log onto Facebook or turn on the radio or do family devotions (which we've been focusing on courage via Character Trails by Character Concepts these past 3 weeks), Joshua 1:9 is being quoted. 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

I've let the dismay or discouragement of being stuck in this season of sickness drive me farther and farther into the desert.  I feel like there are days when I'm wandering around aimlessly missing a life that was once mine but still wanting to cling to the fact that God has a distinct plan for my life.  It becomes all too easy to take it all out on those I love the most and in the process, damage relationships that were once flourishing.

Joshua 1:9 powerfully reminds me that God has called us out of that place of weakness.  For when God is right next to us, we have no excuse for weakness because He is completely opposite of weakness!

Being strong and of good courage means being strong in all areas--mind, body and soul.  It means facing the unknown with the security that God is with me regardless of life circumstances.  And it means thoughtfully responding to life or to my child (aka strength) rather than reacting to life or my child (aka weakness).

There is so much to lose, including harmony in the home and harmony in our homeschool when this mama is acting from the place of fear or discouragement.  Yet there is much to gain when this mama claims Joshua 1:9.  May I let the truths of this verse infiltrate my mind and soul so that I may become strong once again during this unknown season of life.