Defining My Reality

I had one of those pleading, tearful, little girl, whiney "God, what in the world do You want me to do?" type of prayers last night with regards to where He wants me.  It's a prayer that follows God's previous answer of "it's not the about the answer, but the process."  However, in my mind, the process has gone on long enough and I'm worn out from dealing with the criticism and opposition and wondering how much more I have to endure. 

A few minutes after that prayer, God answered with a response that silenced the questions!  God impressed upon me that until I can even attempt at doing what He outlined for me in Psalm 112:5-9 (The Message), I'm in no position to make a decision about what He wants me to do! 

"The good person is generous and lends lavishly; no shuffling or stumbling around for this one, but a sterling and solid and lasting reputation.  Unfazed by rumor and gossip, heart ready, trusting in God, Spirit firm, unperturbed, ever blessed, relaxed among enemies, they lavish gifts on the poor--a generosity that goes on and on and on.  And honored life!  A beautiful life!"

Unfazed, trusting, unperturbed, relaxed among enemies??????  Yeah, right!!!!!  That's the last thing I am!!  My initial thoughts are that it's totally impossible and I can think of 101 excuses why.  But, it all comes down to basic faith--do I trust God or not?

• Do I trust God to grow me in such a way that I can live a beautiful life that speaks of Him?  
• Can I let go and let God take me to the place where I'm unperturbed (aka unruffled, unworried, undisturbed)?  
• Can I open my arms wide enough to my Father so He can love through me to the point where I can sit relaxed among my enemies, secure in who I am in Christ, so that I may see their soul instead of all the wounds they caused? 
• Can I get to a place where His voice is the only one that matters so that I may be unfazed by what others say (good or bad)?  
• What needs to happen to make my heart ready so that out of it only comes right living and right speech (Prov. 4:23)? 
• And how can I be a better steward of all that God has given me so that I can continue pouring out on others? 

No wonder God answered as He did!  There is some aligning that needs to happen!  And I have no doubts that by the end of this journey, I will know exactly what God wants me to do!  Awesome!

p.s. 

From Ron Edmondson, Pastor and Christian Leadership Guru:

"We can miss the blessings God is providing by focusing on the distractions of a few critics we may never please…regardless of what we do." 

"Everything can be going according to plan. God can be working in your life, but the critic can destroy your perception of reality."