Who Are We Abandoning Ourselves To?

Hmmmm...not sure which direction to go with FMF's prompt this week on the word "abandon."

Many of us in Christian circles hear that we should live our lives for God without abandon. But what if in trying to live our lives for God without abandon, we end up abandoning ourselves in the process? What if we've blurred the lines of our abandonment only to discover that we are abandoning ourselves for the sake of a church, for a ministry, or for all the things that we "should" do as Christians all the while still thinking we're abandoning ourselves to God? And in that process, we found ourselves still lacking, still wanting, and still striving to abandon all that we are to live the life God wants us to live? It's exhausting!!

Merriam-Webster defines abandon as "to give up control or influence; to give (oneself) over unrestrainedly; to cease intending or attempting to perform." So how can we be living in abandon to God if we are still trying to control or attempting to perform? At that point, we've exchanged who we are abandoning to--it's no longer God but rather to others or to ourselves. We've exchanged passion, peace, rest, and stability for exhaustion, performance, and a drive that never seems to satisfy. It goes back to Matthew 11:28-30 ... the Message translation speaks so beautifully of what true abandonment to God looks like.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

True abandonment to God isn't found in keeping rules or in maintaining appearances or in the forced rhythms that come with the Christian life (although, right abandonment to the right God will always lead to right living). It comes from letting down our guard, releasing the striving, and learning from Christ what it means to live in abandon. He never asks us to exhaust ourselves in following Him. He never guilts or shames if we need to withdraw for awhile to take care of ourselves. He doesn't ask us to be ministry machines that constantly do and constantly give without ever taking in for ourselves.

I'm discovering lately just how much I've let all the "should's", "supposed to's", and appearances of Christianity and Christian leaders dictate my faith more than God. I abandoned myself to a faith system thinking it was God and what God wanted when in reality, all He wanted was for me to come to Him, get away with Him, and to learn the unforced rhythms of grace. When I finally abandoned the church-life appearances and shoulds (without abandoning church itself), I was able to more clearly see God. For the past 3 months, I've been getting very well acquainted with Matthew 11:28-30 as God has been showing me how to "recover your life" and how to "live freely and lightly." I've been able to abandon some of my faulty ideas centered around godly things and godly people, for something totally different. As I learn the unforced rhythms, I don't feel the need to jump back into ministry full speed ahead, but I can pace myself and enjoy waiting on God for now. I'm enjoying the lightness and freedom that come from following God alone rather than having to keep up pretense that never seemed to be enough. There is such a difference in abandoning ourselves to God rather than abandoning ourselves to godly people and godly systems that it was worth the heartache it took in order to vividly understand that difference!

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes (although, I usually go longer bcs FMF helps fuel that spark in me to write).  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "ABANDON."

SHE was the Proverbs 31 Lady???!!

Out of all the things we have read and heard in our Theology of Biblical Womanhood class this semester, my biggest take-home is the fact that Bathsheba was the Proverbs 31 woman (she was the mother who taught Solomon what to look for in a woman as he recited her poems in Proverbs 31). This tiny nugget of info gives hope to any woman who is struggling in her attempts to be a Proverbs 31 woman. For me, it highlights redemption and healing! While the rest of my class is talking about what they learned that changes their views on Biblical Womanhood as far as marriage and submission go, I'm over here celebrating that Proverbs 31 isn't about perfection but rather transformation and I'm writing an entirely different essay answer:

Discovering that Bathsheba IS the Proverbs 31 woman and it is what she taught her son changes my view of Biblical womanhood. Biblical womanhood seems daunting especially when it feels like we are expected to be that Proverbs 31 woman. Proverbs 31 functions as a measuring stick for godliness in legalistic environments (as discovered by personal experience), but what do you do when everything inside of you feels like it's merely an act? When you are so tired of performing and striving and you can't keep up the act anymore? When you realize that no matter how hard you try, it never seems to change anything in your heart? Discovering it was Bathsheba that "wrote" Proverbs 31 leaves me speechless because Proverbs 31 isn't at all what I think of when I hear her name! I had to do some googling after I heard this mentioned in the lecture and have been in awe over this discovery!

Bathsheba committed adultery, she sinned, she had the Scarlet Letter upon her yet despite that, she repented of her part in the sin, she overcame it, and her words and example are shared with the world until eternity. It's total redemption!! There were so many things that could've happened. She could've become bitter (especially over losing her son), made different decisions, found another man, despaired, or lived trapped in her guilt and shame, but she didn't do any of that. The Bible isn't clear how or when or why the transformation in her life happened, but somewhere along the line, she chose not to let her past and her sin ruin her life and she chose to return to the God of her youth. She experienced His mercy and grace and because of that, she began following God with each step. The right steps lead us to the right pattern which leads us to becoming the women God wants us to be.

Therefore, becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is a byproduct of following God...not a measuring stick or to do list that we need to achieve in order to demonstrate that we are living the right Christian life. I feel like a new window of freedom and hope opened up to me with this discovery. Biblical womanhood isn't something we do and submission isn't something we "do"...true Biblical womanhood stems from who we are in Christ. Sure, we can "do" Biblical womanhood, but I wonder if it's the "doing" that makes us cringe and slightly turn our noses up to the concept. When we see the precision and desire of God's plan, design, and pattern, there is something natural in my heart that longs for that pattern more than a "to do" list. And when we see that God can take a woman who committed adultery and heal and transform her life in such a way that she becomes "the example" for every woman to follow, it becomes clear that God desires our hearts more than He desires our strivings. It goes back to Matthew 11:28-30 (Message translation): “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

From Bearable to Beautiful (#fmf)

Healing is a slow process. Here I am finally ready to do the hard work of tackling my past and untangling all the mixed childhood messages that still speak into my mind and heart as an adult. I figured it'd be a few months and then I'd be free and healed and life would be sunshine and roses (well...you know what I mean). Yet, we are six months into it and there isn't an end in sight. The work is very intense, grueling, beautiful, freeing, and slow...very slow. It's slow because it's a rewriting based on truth, God's truth, self-truth/self-love, and weeding out all the things that have been held tightly for so long. It's not as easy as saying a prayer and praying some more and memorizing a few more verses on top of that and then all is well. It's a rooting out of the deepest things that make up your inner core--it's deep heart and soul work that can't be done by prayer alone.

It reminds me a lot of our attempts to grow strawberries. It ended up not being as simple as throwing seeds on the ground and strawberries appearing. I do not have a green thumb nor do I have the patience for gardening. When I plant seeds, I expect them to grow and have this great yield! But every time I've planted seeds, we are lucky if we actually grow something!

The first year we tried to grow strawberries, we had to prepare the soil in our pot, plant the strawberry seeds, and then care for the seeds. It took WEEKS before we saw the first sprout and we were soooo excited! Within days, more strawberry plants started sprouting. We were going to have A LOT of strawberries! However, as the days went on and the first fruit started forming, it didn't really look like a strawberry at all...it looked more like a tomato! It was like the start of a blonde joke and for days, I really questioned if it was supposed to be a strawberry! It didn't take too many days before it became obvious we were not growing strawberries in the slightest! Yuck--tomatoes instead of strawberries--how disappointing (I hate tomatoes!). It turned out that the package was mislabeled and the company mailed us another package of strawberry seeds! So we decided to try again the next year. It took forever to get something to grow out of the soil. But once we finally had our strawberry plants growing, they died just before they started growing fruit. We were at a busy season in life and didn't take time to care for them and neglected them. I assumed that nature would take its course and that the sun and rain would be enough to grow strawberries, but it didn't exactly work that way! We tried growing strawberries again the third year and nothing sprouted out of the soil. From then on, we started visiting the orchard and have enjoyed their abundant harvest year after year because we couldn't get anything to grow. It was easier to give up than try again!

Why do some people plant and receive an abundant harvest while others try and end up with brown leaves and dried out plants? With that question, I am reminded of a quote that a friend shared years ago in her blog:

“If Jesus gives us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work. I fear, however, that we are so attention-deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner." ~Beth Moore

All my adult life, I've settled for bearable. I've found a way to work around the deep heart issues, found a way to achieve and succeed at all I do, and I've found a way to emulate Super Woman all the while struggling to keep up on the inside. But there comes a breaking point when the reality of life hits us hard and we realize that bearable is no longer working! Well, it works, but it feels like we are no longer living our lives as they were meant to be lived! Do we dare believe that beauty is for us? Do we try something else and hope it works because nothing else has? Do we have the courage to risk again so we can move out of bearable into beauty? Do we have the gumption to walk this journey alone because many around us will not understand what is so important about moving from bearable to beauty because they have never experienced beauty themselves? Do we give up predictability and familiarity to walk an uncharted course in our lives? Do we have the faith to follow the path when it seems so slow, and change isn't instant, and we begin to wonder if there really is such a thing as beauty?

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1-3

As we take each step from bearable to beautiful, we begin to understand the promises of Isaiah 61:1-3. We discover how God's comfort is like a warm blanket around us in the dark nights of our soul. We feel lightness in our hearts as we unlock the secrets that have always kept us bound. We watch the ashes blow away leaving fertile soil for something new to grow. We experience lasting joy that is usually snuffed out by anxiety. And we are able to witness transformation happen slowly but surely. It's the little moments of progress that keep us on the path to beautiful because we know what little we've experienced is real and it's life-changing enough to fuel that hope to take another step even when it seems unbearable. No one may ever see or understand the depth and purpose of those little moments but they are uniquely ours to help keep our feet on the path and believe beauty is around the corner. As much as I don't want it to, it really might take a lifetime to round the corner, but it's better to live a life lined with beautiful moments than to live dead in the bearable never knowing such beauty exists!

"And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Romans 5:4-5

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes (although, I usually go longer bcs FMF helps fuel that spark in me to write).  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "SLOW".