What is blue and white, sucks hours out of your day, feeds drama into your life, builds convenient relationships, and creates a love-hate relationship with it? That about sums up my feelings on Facebook lately. Facebook is such a powerful tool for connecting people, encouraging others and praying for others, but it's also a powerful tool designed to distract, withdraw, and disguise reality.
When my child wants to write to Santa and tell him that his Christmas wish is that his mama doesn't use Facebook or her iPhone on Christmas and your husband isn't too far behind in sharing those same sentiments, you know there's a problem and it's time to really step back and examine what's going on and why.
*sigh* Yeah, I enjoy my iPhone--it keeps me connected to so many people during the day, but it's also the biggest distraction in my life. It's what I go to when I'm bored, tired, need a break, need a distraction. It's where I vent when I'm frustrated, share when I'm happy, and just talk about whatever whenever not stopping to think if anyone really cares or not.
But mainly, Facebook is one of those things that numbs your mind. It's where I can go and not think about anything. I can catch up on the latest on everyone's lives and watch kids grow up while keeping my distance. I can paint a vivid picture of my life that is true but it's not the overriding disposition of my life. I can learn a lot from various leadership organizations, ministries, leaders, and news and political groups. They fuel my hunger to learn new things (plus they help me retain the Quote Queen title for my love of quotes since FB is full of them), but then there are times when it all is pure information overload.
But there is a trade off with Facebook. You know as well as I do that it's super hard to go on Facebook for just five minutes. Five turns into ten and ten into 30 and 30 into an hour and before you know it, another evening has gone by and my house still isn't clean and my to-do list is still just as long as it was this afternoon.
And there just comes a point when I have to say enough. Change isn't going to happen while reading another article or quote about it on Facebook. My child is growing up. My husband is wanting more time with me. My brain is fried yet again because I have spent it on many different things throughout the day and then gave the rest of it to others on Facebook...others who are sitting on the other side of the computer screen, others who I will never meet in person, others who would never do more than post a generic "Happy Birthday!" every year. And where do you draw the line? When do you wake up and realize that you are surrounded by so many awesome people? And that maybe the reason why you don't have the time and energy to give to them is because you're too busy giving it away on Facebook?
I can't do this anymore...life is passing me by as I use Facebook to hide, escape, numb, and keep people at a distance. Life happens beyond my screen yet I'm not seeing it while I'm checking Facebook "one more time." Issues keep piling up because I'd rather see what everyone else is up to rather than deal with my own things. Discontent lurks nearby as I see what opportunities others have that I could have, too, but can't because of the season of life I'm in. Comparison makes me feel inadequate as I see others succeed, acquire, or achieve and it further breeds that discontent.
And then I'm tired of telling people on Facebook, "Sure, let's get together soon!" yet two and three years later, we're still saying the same thing. We still haven't gotten together because we don't have time to get together, yet we're always on Facebook at the same times...hmmmmmmmmm.
Maybe it takes a child's wish to Santa to get me to just stop ... stop and see what is going on ... stop and see where the underlying source of breeding discontent ... stop and see that there are people right in front of me--in person--that desperately want me, not a Facebook me. They want to be a part of my life, not read about my life. They want to do all the fun activities with us, not see more pictures about them. They want to just talk, not write everything out in a PM in text language.
What if I used all the Facebook time (and it's embarrassing to see how much time checking it here and there really adds up to be in one day) to do something that matters in person? What if I used that time to check in with my family? What if I used that time to just pray instead of post everything I'm thinking, feeling, and seeing on Facebook? What if I used that time in some kind of profitable way that served others around me instead of use Facebook to serve me?
Sometimes we just have to stop ... and last night, I didn't know of any other way to create change than to just deactivate my Facebook account (and oh, does FB ever try to lure you back in before you even deactivate). Something has got to give. If I'm serious about wanting more of God and more of family, I have to remove the things that are keeping me from the more. Facebook just happens to be that thing as it is the biggest time and energy drainer in my life. I don't know, I just need to try it and see what happens. It's almost been 24 hours since deactivation and I have to admit that today was amazing with my family. We were very productive, I was attentive, and everyone received what they wanted and needed from me--my undivided attention. Kudos to those who can get on Facebook and not get sucked into the world of Facebook, but I'm not one of those people. I just know I can't keep on this current path of being sucked into a Facebook world without sacrificing those I love the most and missing out on precious moments of my child's fleeting childhood.
And the funny part is that out of all of my Facebook friends and family, only two texted/emailed me today to make sure everything was okay. And those are the ones I'm close to outside of Facebook--our relationship extends beyond Facebook. It was very reaffirming that this is the right choice for now! There is such sweetness in face-to-face relationships over Facebook relationships and that sweetness and richness quickly erases any second thoughts of deactivation.
Tuesday, December 15
Thursday, November 26
Happy Thanksgiving!
What a whirlwind of a month!! From homeschool to Disney World to spending Thanksgiving with extended family, November has flown by quickly! I can't let Thanksgiving slip by with out stopping to share the top three things that I am thankful for this year.
1. God's presence, comfort, and strength have been wrapped around me and my family this year as we experienced the loss of precious family and friends--my grandma, Ami, and Shirley. These were women who poured out their lives for God in a variety of ways whether it was through music, writing, or a professional career. They lived their lives to the fullest while having an eternal perspective. Healing finally came as they entered the arms of Jesus! While I miss these ladies dearly (especially my grandma), I know that their lives are complete with Christ. I'm thankful that God has an eternal plan for our lives and that whatever happens here on earth (good and bad) pales in comparison with what lies ahead. I'm thankful for legacies that continue to point me back to God and challenge me to live for what is eternal. As God wrapped me up in His comfort, gave me strength when I felt like crawling in a hole and crying for days, and was there every step of the way, He revealed His fatherly nature to me. He showed me grace in such personal ways as He drew me closer to Him through His care and comfort. How thankful I am for a God that pursues us and who never turns us away even when we delay in coming to Him!
2. I'm ever thankful for my husband and son. They see the best and the worst of me on a daily basis and continue to love me no matter what. We learn together. We explore together. We laugh together and we live together. My husband has been such a constant through all the loss this year. He's given me his shoulder to cry on and says nothing about his tear-stained shirts. He's held me tight in those late nights and early mornings when my heart didn't know whether it was going to break or be okay. And he's patiently put up with household chores that got lost in the shuffle and stepped up to fill in the gap when I was trying to figure out how to just make it to the next day as I walked through the fog of grief. As I told him today, "I'm thankful for you still", we chuckled over the word "still"...twelve years later and through the ups and downs of life and love, he is still my best friend! When marriages are crumbling all around us, I'm thankful that God helps us persevere and fight for the beauty of our marriage.
3. This year has brought about a lot of questions and changes as I struggled to find my place knowing what God has done with me in the past (ministry-wise) versus what is right in front of me and learning to serve Him in a different way using different talents with patience and contentment. I'm thankful for a church where growth can happen, where we can experiment with different talents and learn to serve God in a variety of ways. I'm thankful for a couple of women who have invested in me through the time they have spent listening, loving, advising, teaching, showing me new things, and praying for me. And I'm thankful for the community of friends that are always there with hugs, texts, and just the pure joy and sweetness of friendship that comes from serving together, singing together, and raising kids together in our church. I'm thankful for the young women that God has placed in my path at church and the joy of watching them wrestle with life's challenges as they enter adulthood and seeing them trust God in their challenges and praising with them as God shows them new things and answers our prayers. It's exciting to see how God is working in the lives around me!
There are so many things to be thankful for if we just stop long enough to see what is all around us! James 1:17 says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." It's amazing to see just how many things God has given us and how much He has opened up His hand to us! May we always remember where our blessings and gifts really come from, not just on Thanksgiving day, but every day!
Happy Thanksgiving!
1. God's presence, comfort, and strength have been wrapped around me and my family this year as we experienced the loss of precious family and friends--my grandma, Ami, and Shirley. These were women who poured out their lives for God in a variety of ways whether it was through music, writing, or a professional career. They lived their lives to the fullest while having an eternal perspective. Healing finally came as they entered the arms of Jesus! While I miss these ladies dearly (especially my grandma), I know that their lives are complete with Christ. I'm thankful that God has an eternal plan for our lives and that whatever happens here on earth (good and bad) pales in comparison with what lies ahead. I'm thankful for legacies that continue to point me back to God and challenge me to live for what is eternal. As God wrapped me up in His comfort, gave me strength when I felt like crawling in a hole and crying for days, and was there every step of the way, He revealed His fatherly nature to me. He showed me grace in such personal ways as He drew me closer to Him through His care and comfort. How thankful I am for a God that pursues us and who never turns us away even when we delay in coming to Him!
2. I'm ever thankful for my husband and son. They see the best and the worst of me on a daily basis and continue to love me no matter what. We learn together. We explore together. We laugh together and we live together. My husband has been such a constant through all the loss this year. He's given me his shoulder to cry on and says nothing about his tear-stained shirts. He's held me tight in those late nights and early mornings when my heart didn't know whether it was going to break or be okay. And he's patiently put up with household chores that got lost in the shuffle and stepped up to fill in the gap when I was trying to figure out how to just make it to the next day as I walked through the fog of grief. As I told him today, "I'm thankful for you still", we chuckled over the word "still"...twelve years later and through the ups and downs of life and love, he is still my best friend! When marriages are crumbling all around us, I'm thankful that God helps us persevere and fight for the beauty of our marriage.
3. This year has brought about a lot of questions and changes as I struggled to find my place knowing what God has done with me in the past (ministry-wise) versus what is right in front of me and learning to serve Him in a different way using different talents with patience and contentment. I'm thankful for a church where growth can happen, where we can experiment with different talents and learn to serve God in a variety of ways. I'm thankful for a couple of women who have invested in me through the time they have spent listening, loving, advising, teaching, showing me new things, and praying for me. And I'm thankful for the community of friends that are always there with hugs, texts, and just the pure joy and sweetness of friendship that comes from serving together, singing together, and raising kids together in our church. I'm thankful for the young women that God has placed in my path at church and the joy of watching them wrestle with life's challenges as they enter adulthood and seeing them trust God in their challenges and praising with them as God shows them new things and answers our prayers. It's exciting to see how God is working in the lives around me!
There are so many things to be thankful for if we just stop long enough to see what is all around us! James 1:17 says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." It's amazing to see just how many things God has given us and how much He has opened up His hand to us! May we always remember where our blessings and gifts really come from, not just on Thanksgiving day, but every day!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, October 28
Birthday Eve Reflections
It's the night before my birthday--a night where I am reminded of the blessings and challenges of the year and a night where I go to bed in eager anticipation of the surprises that lay ahead, not just for tomorrow but for another year!
In some ways, I barely remember my last birthday because a lot has happened since then. This has been the year of lasts as the reality of my grandma's impending death hung in the air. It is the year that taught me the value of a moment, the importance of saying what needs to be said, and of not being afraid to love, forgive, hug, cry, and creatively survive.
It is the year where I was on a quest to pursue my "Word of the Year" of 'restore' and gained so much in return. I've experienced the hardship of peeling away the thickest and innermost onion layers that rested on the core of who I am. This was years in the making but past time to go there if I wanted to move forward. In the process, I experienced the torturing agony of still carrying things God never intended for me to carry. Yet, I experienced the freedom that comes with releasing a childhood of hurt through choosing to forgive, choosing to love, and choosing to refute all the lies that I've held on to all these years with God's truth.
This has been a year of discovery through seeing the truth as it really is whether it was totally falling flat on my face ("pride cometh before a fall" is embarrassingly true), or having trusted friends bluntly point out blind spots (ouch!), or having verses that I've read many times suddenly jump out as if it were the first time I ever read them!
This has been a year of curiosity and exploration, of answering all the "what if's" that I've had especially regarding music...what if I had grown up pursuing music? What if I had taken flute lessons? What if I had pursued singing? What if I had followed through with music instead of let fear, insecurity, and man's opinion when I was a teen and young adult keep me from being a real musician?
This year, I found myself learning new things, being stretched musically, and actually taking voice lessons. The latter has been a hoot, but it's also where I have seen so much inner restoration take place.
God has used the whole process of making music to unearth what was below the surface so that He could show me just how much He wanted to restore it so that my music comes from a place of redemption and wholeness that points to Him. I'm not totally there with all of that yet, but am getting there!
While my husband thinks I'm having some kind of midlife crisis by taking voice lessons (not flute or piano or something that didn't come out of left field like voice did), God has actually used my voice teacher to show me His heart and who He is through the way she accepts, corrects, instructs, and guides without any intention other than helping me to see how we are naturally created to praise God and sing out to Him. When I walk into voice lessons, it is one of two places in this world where I truly find no shaming, no critiquing, no competition, no comparison, no hesitation, and no perfection, only a simple desire from my teacher to show me what is needed to draw out the best and help me discover what I didn't know about God and myself through the challenge and beauty of music.
I have no clue how or why but music is what God has chosen this year to teach me the most about Him. Along with much prayer and Starbucks, music has been a way to help me cope with the stresses that come from a 24/7 life of constant vigilance over our allergy child, first-time business ownership, homeschooling (where the assignments are no longer 2+2=4 and are requiring me to actually study before presenting lessons), personal disappointments as we are another year without a baby in our arms, and dealing with the loss of two grandparents in a 14-month time span plus a very close friend. Music is something that infuses relaxation and creativity into my day. And music fuels the achiever in me as there is great satisfaction in defeating crazy timing and trouble spots, reaching notes I've never been able to reach before, and experimenting with new techniques that actually produce results (like singing and playing the flute at the exact same time--accidentally discovered it one afternoon I had a sore throat and then later learned it was a real thing). I might not be able to solve life's problems, but I am determined enough to master a challenging piece of music! It's a great way to channel my thoughts and energy into something productive and enjoyable instead of letting life and life's worries and frustrations fester until I break down or explode.
As I see my 40s quickly approaching, it makes me want to savor these last two years in my 30s. I want to be daring enough to keep trying new things (aka those things that others view as a midlife crisis) for everything is still being woven together in the details to help me fulfill the unique purposes that God has for my life (even though it may have nothing to do with the current "new thing").
In some ways, I barely remember my last birthday because a lot has happened since then. This has been the year of lasts as the reality of my grandma's impending death hung in the air. It is the year that taught me the value of a moment, the importance of saying what needs to be said, and of not being afraid to love, forgive, hug, cry, and creatively survive.
It is the year where I was on a quest to pursue my "Word of the Year" of 'restore' and gained so much in return. I've experienced the hardship of peeling away the thickest and innermost onion layers that rested on the core of who I am. This was years in the making but past time to go there if I wanted to move forward. In the process, I experienced the torturing agony of still carrying things God never intended for me to carry. Yet, I experienced the freedom that comes with releasing a childhood of hurt through choosing to forgive, choosing to love, and choosing to refute all the lies that I've held on to all these years with God's truth.
This has been a year of discovery through seeing the truth as it really is whether it was totally falling flat on my face ("pride cometh before a fall" is embarrassingly true), or having trusted friends bluntly point out blind spots (ouch!), or having verses that I've read many times suddenly jump out as if it were the first time I ever read them!
This has been a year of curiosity and exploration, of answering all the "what if's" that I've had especially regarding music...what if I had grown up pursuing music? What if I had taken flute lessons? What if I had pursued singing? What if I had followed through with music instead of let fear, insecurity, and man's opinion when I was a teen and young adult keep me from being a real musician?
This year, I found myself learning new things, being stretched musically, and actually taking voice lessons. The latter has been a hoot, but it's also where I have seen so much inner restoration take place.
God has used the whole process of making music to unearth what was below the surface so that He could show me just how much He wanted to restore it so that my music comes from a place of redemption and wholeness that points to Him. I'm not totally there with all of that yet, but am getting there!
While my husband thinks I'm having some kind of midlife crisis by taking voice lessons (not flute or piano or something that didn't come out of left field like voice did), God has actually used my voice teacher to show me His heart and who He is through the way she accepts, corrects, instructs, and guides without any intention other than helping me to see how we are naturally created to praise God and sing out to Him. When I walk into voice lessons, it is one of two places in this world where I truly find no shaming, no critiquing, no competition, no comparison, no hesitation, and no perfection, only a simple desire from my teacher to show me what is needed to draw out the best and help me discover what I didn't know about God and myself through the challenge and beauty of music.
I have no clue how or why but music is what God has chosen this year to teach me the most about Him. Along with much prayer and Starbucks, music has been a way to help me cope with the stresses that come from a 24/7 life of constant vigilance over our allergy child, first-time business ownership, homeschooling (where the assignments are no longer 2+2=4 and are requiring me to actually study before presenting lessons), personal disappointments as we are another year without a baby in our arms, and dealing with the loss of two grandparents in a 14-month time span plus a very close friend. Music is something that infuses relaxation and creativity into my day. And music fuels the achiever in me as there is great satisfaction in defeating crazy timing and trouble spots, reaching notes I've never been able to reach before, and experimenting with new techniques that actually produce results (like singing and playing the flute at the exact same time--accidentally discovered it one afternoon I had a sore throat and then later learned it was a real thing). I might not be able to solve life's problems, but I am determined enough to master a challenging piece of music! It's a great way to channel my thoughts and energy into something productive and enjoyable instead of letting life and life's worries and frustrations fester until I break down or explode.
As I see my 40s quickly approaching, it makes me want to savor these last two years in my 30s. I want to be daring enough to keep trying new things (aka those things that others view as a midlife crisis) for everything is still being woven together in the details to help me fulfill the unique purposes that God has for my life (even though it may have nothing to do with the current "new thing").
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
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