What a whirlwind of a month!! From homeschool to Disney World to spending Thanksgiving with extended family, November has flown by quickly! I can't let Thanksgiving slip by with out stopping to share the top three things that I am thankful for this year.
1. God's presence, comfort, and strength have been wrapped around me and my family this year as we experienced the loss of precious family and friends--my grandma, Ami, and Shirley. These were women who poured out their lives for God in a variety of ways whether it was through music, writing, or a professional career. They lived their lives to the fullest while having an eternal perspective. Healing finally came as they entered the arms of Jesus! While I miss these ladies dearly (especially my grandma), I know that their lives are complete with Christ. I'm thankful that God has an eternal plan for our lives and that whatever happens here on earth (good and bad) pales in comparison with what lies ahead. I'm thankful for legacies that continue to point me back to God and challenge me to live for what is eternal. As God wrapped me up in His comfort, gave me strength when I felt like crawling in a hole and crying for days, and was there every step of the way, He revealed His fatherly nature to me. He showed me grace in such personal ways as He drew me closer to Him through His care and comfort. How thankful I am for a God that pursues us and who never turns us away even when we delay in coming to Him!
2. I'm ever thankful for my husband and son. They see the best and the worst of me on a daily basis and continue to love me no matter what. We learn together. We explore together. We laugh together and we live together. My husband has been such a constant through all the loss this year. He's given me his shoulder to cry on and says nothing about his tear-stained shirts. He's held me tight in those late nights and early mornings when my heart didn't know whether it was going to break or be okay. And he's patiently put up with household chores that got lost in the shuffle and stepped up to fill in the gap when I was trying to figure out how to just make it to the next day as I walked through the fog of grief. As I told him today, "I'm thankful for you still", we chuckled over the word "still"...twelve years later and through the ups and downs of life and love, he is still my best friend! When marriages are crumbling all around us, I'm thankful that God helps us persevere and fight for the beauty of our marriage.
3. This year has brought about a lot of questions and changes as I struggled to find my place knowing what God has done with me in the past (ministry-wise) versus what is right in front of me and learning to serve Him in a different way using different talents with patience and contentment. I'm thankful for a church where growth can happen, where we can experiment with different talents and learn to serve God in a variety of ways. I'm thankful for a couple of women who have invested in me through the time they have spent listening, loving, advising, teaching, showing me new things, and praying for me. And I'm thankful for the community of friends that are always there with hugs, texts, and just the pure joy and sweetness of friendship that comes from serving together, singing together, and raising kids together in our church. I'm thankful for the young women that God has placed in my path at church and the joy of watching them wrestle with life's challenges as they enter adulthood and seeing them trust God in their challenges and praising with them as God shows them new things and answers our prayers. It's exciting to see how God is working in the lives around me!
There are so many things to be thankful for if we just stop long enough to see what is all around us! James 1:17 says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." It's amazing to see just how many things God has given us and how much He has opened up His hand to us! May we always remember where our blessings and gifts really come from, not just on Thanksgiving day, but every day!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thursday, November 26
Wednesday, October 28
Birthday Eve Reflections
It's the night before my birthday--a night where I am reminded of the blessings and challenges of the year and a night where I go to bed in eager anticipation of the surprises that lay ahead, not just for tomorrow but for another year!
In some ways, I barely remember my last birthday because a lot has happened since then. This has been the year of lasts as the reality of my grandma's impending death hung in the air. It is the year that taught me the value of a moment, the importance of saying what needs to be said, and of not being afraid to love, forgive, hug, cry, and creatively survive.
It is the year where I was on a quest to pursue my "Word of the Year" of 'restore' and gained so much in return. I've experienced the hardship of peeling away the thickest and innermost onion layers that rested on the core of who I am. This was years in the making but past time to go there if I wanted to move forward. In the process, I experienced the torturing agony of still carrying things God never intended for me to carry. Yet, I experienced the freedom that comes with releasing a childhood of hurt through choosing to forgive, choosing to love, and choosing to refute all the lies that I've held on to all these years with God's truth.
This has been a year of discovery through seeing the truth as it really is whether it was totally falling flat on my face ("pride cometh before a fall" is embarrassingly true), or having trusted friends bluntly point out blind spots (ouch!), or having verses that I've read many times suddenly jump out as if it were the first time I ever read them!
This has been a year of curiosity and exploration, of answering all the "what if's" that I've had especially regarding music...what if I had grown up pursuing music? What if I had taken flute lessons? What if I had pursued singing? What if I had followed through with music instead of let fear, insecurity, and man's opinion when I was a teen and young adult keep me from being a real musician?
This year, I found myself learning new things, being stretched musically, and actually taking voice lessons. The latter has been a hoot, but it's also where I have seen so much inner restoration take place.
God has used the whole process of making music to unearth what was below the surface so that He could show me just how much He wanted to restore it so that my music comes from a place of redemption and wholeness that points to Him. I'm not totally there with all of that yet, but am getting there!
While my husband thinks I'm having some kind of midlife crisis by taking voice lessons (not flute or piano or something that didn't come out of left field like voice did), God has actually used my voice teacher to show me His heart and who He is through the way she accepts, corrects, instructs, and guides without any intention other than helping me to see how we are naturally created to praise God and sing out to Him. When I walk into voice lessons, it is one of two places in this world where I truly find no shaming, no critiquing, no competition, no comparison, no hesitation, and no perfection, only a simple desire from my teacher to show me what is needed to draw out the best and help me discover what I didn't know about God and myself through the challenge and beauty of music.
I have no clue how or why but music is what God has chosen this year to teach me the most about Him. Along with much prayer and Starbucks, music has been a way to help me cope with the stresses that come from a 24/7 life of constant vigilance over our allergy child, first-time business ownership, homeschooling (where the assignments are no longer 2+2=4 and are requiring me to actually study before presenting lessons), personal disappointments as we are another year without a baby in our arms, and dealing with the loss of two grandparents in a 14-month time span plus a very close friend. Music is something that infuses relaxation and creativity into my day. And music fuels the achiever in me as there is great satisfaction in defeating crazy timing and trouble spots, reaching notes I've never been able to reach before, and experimenting with new techniques that actually produce results (like singing and playing the flute at the exact same time--accidentally discovered it one afternoon I had a sore throat and then later learned it was a real thing). I might not be able to solve life's problems, but I am determined enough to master a challenging piece of music! It's a great way to channel my thoughts and energy into something productive and enjoyable instead of letting life and life's worries and frustrations fester until I break down or explode.
As I see my 40s quickly approaching, it makes me want to savor these last two years in my 30s. I want to be daring enough to keep trying new things (aka those things that others view as a midlife crisis) for everything is still being woven together in the details to help me fulfill the unique purposes that God has for my life (even though it may have nothing to do with the current "new thing").
In some ways, I barely remember my last birthday because a lot has happened since then. This has been the year of lasts as the reality of my grandma's impending death hung in the air. It is the year that taught me the value of a moment, the importance of saying what needs to be said, and of not being afraid to love, forgive, hug, cry, and creatively survive.
It is the year where I was on a quest to pursue my "Word of the Year" of 'restore' and gained so much in return. I've experienced the hardship of peeling away the thickest and innermost onion layers that rested on the core of who I am. This was years in the making but past time to go there if I wanted to move forward. In the process, I experienced the torturing agony of still carrying things God never intended for me to carry. Yet, I experienced the freedom that comes with releasing a childhood of hurt through choosing to forgive, choosing to love, and choosing to refute all the lies that I've held on to all these years with God's truth.
This has been a year of discovery through seeing the truth as it really is whether it was totally falling flat on my face ("pride cometh before a fall" is embarrassingly true), or having trusted friends bluntly point out blind spots (ouch!), or having verses that I've read many times suddenly jump out as if it were the first time I ever read them!
This has been a year of curiosity and exploration, of answering all the "what if's" that I've had especially regarding music...what if I had grown up pursuing music? What if I had taken flute lessons? What if I had pursued singing? What if I had followed through with music instead of let fear, insecurity, and man's opinion when I was a teen and young adult keep me from being a real musician?
This year, I found myself learning new things, being stretched musically, and actually taking voice lessons. The latter has been a hoot, but it's also where I have seen so much inner restoration take place.
God has used the whole process of making music to unearth what was below the surface so that He could show me just how much He wanted to restore it so that my music comes from a place of redemption and wholeness that points to Him. I'm not totally there with all of that yet, but am getting there!
While my husband thinks I'm having some kind of midlife crisis by taking voice lessons (not flute or piano or something that didn't come out of left field like voice did), God has actually used my voice teacher to show me His heart and who He is through the way she accepts, corrects, instructs, and guides without any intention other than helping me to see how we are naturally created to praise God and sing out to Him. When I walk into voice lessons, it is one of two places in this world where I truly find no shaming, no critiquing, no competition, no comparison, no hesitation, and no perfection, only a simple desire from my teacher to show me what is needed to draw out the best and help me discover what I didn't know about God and myself through the challenge and beauty of music.
I have no clue how or why but music is what God has chosen this year to teach me the most about Him. Along with much prayer and Starbucks, music has been a way to help me cope with the stresses that come from a 24/7 life of constant vigilance over our allergy child, first-time business ownership, homeschooling (where the assignments are no longer 2+2=4 and are requiring me to actually study before presenting lessons), personal disappointments as we are another year without a baby in our arms, and dealing with the loss of two grandparents in a 14-month time span plus a very close friend. Music is something that infuses relaxation and creativity into my day. And music fuels the achiever in me as there is great satisfaction in defeating crazy timing and trouble spots, reaching notes I've never been able to reach before, and experimenting with new techniques that actually produce results (like singing and playing the flute at the exact same time--accidentally discovered it one afternoon I had a sore throat and then later learned it was a real thing). I might not be able to solve life's problems, but I am determined enough to master a challenging piece of music! It's a great way to channel my thoughts and energy into something productive and enjoyable instead of letting life and life's worries and frustrations fester until I break down or explode.
As I see my 40s quickly approaching, it makes me want to savor these last two years in my 30s. I want to be daring enough to keep trying new things (aka those things that others view as a midlife crisis) for everything is still being woven together in the details to help me fulfill the unique purposes that God has for my life (even though it may have nothing to do with the current "new thing").
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Saturday, October 17
The Green-Eyed Monster (#fmfparty)
The moment when we wonder "why her and not me?" or the moment when we express that "it's not fair" or the moment when we find ourselves thinking unkind things about others in their successes that leave us wondering where in the world those thoughts came from are the very moments that open the door for the green-eyed monster to enter.
If left unchecked, questions begin to plague our mind as we see where we didn't get what we felt entitled to. That eventually leads to feelings of disdain for others, verbal or texted grumblings, contrariness, and bitterness. And if we remain there, we've essentially rendered ourselves ineffective for the Kingdom and end up becoming disruptive to the body of Christ (intended or not).
James 3:16-17 points out, "For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy."
We are daily confronted to choose who we are going to be. Are we going to choose to be our natural selves and react and think how we want, or are we going to choose to submit ourselves to God and live as He desires?
The latter means letting sooooo much go...it means choosing to let go of the trivial stuff, seeing past temporary distortions and feelings of the moment, and sacrificing our judgments and opinions in order to view people and situations through God's eyes. It means trusting in God's timing and in His plan and trusting that He will fulfill His promises and move us or promote us in His time. And it means understanding who we are in Christ and that we are already complete in Him with our own unique set of abilities, talents, and personality. We don't need achievements, accolades, or acceleration through the ranks to prove ourselves to Him, for He has already paved the way for us through His extreme love.
When we make the choice to let the green-eyed monster go, we can redirect that energy to things that truly matter. We won't be distracted by our emotions nor semi-distraught when things seem unfair or when others take what we want. We will be willing to yield ourselves to God which allows us to prefer others over ourselves. And we free ourselves up to wait on God so He can do with us what He wants in His time.
When God is the one that places us and/or advances us to where He wants us to be, it brings Him the glory and has an impact that far surpasses anything that we ever tried to bring about in our own strength and abilities. So farewell, green-eyed monster!
*Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes. No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart. To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/. This week's word is "GREEN".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)