Door // Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes.  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "door".

There are days when I feel like I'm standing in a long hallway with a row of doors on either side of me. Some days I know exactly which door I need to enter, like the third door on the left. I know that if I go in that particular door, certain things will happen and a certain path will be determined. And if I take the eighth door on the right, I will go down a different predetermined path. There is security and predictability in knowing which door to enter and knowing exactly where that path will lead.

Yet a part of me is beginning to long for adventure and risk once again. I want to know what is in that second door on the left and the fourth door on the right. And sometimes it startles me to see God's hand already opening those unexpected doors and to see my level of curiosity rising with each crack of the door.  Whenever God opens a door, anything can happen!  

As healing comes, my eyes are opened to how much freedom God has given us to veer off the path of predictability and to enter new doors so that we may learn faith, develop courage, and take part in growth. So far, these new doors are opening up to restored relationships, new opportunities, second chances to develop talents and/or skills that I've set aside because I thought I wasn't worthy enough to enjoy them, and the ability to rediscover the fun side of life.

While some of these open doors seem a bit far-fetched and so not me (haha...wait until you hear what door I will be entering for the first time ever next week...), I feel God's hand on my shoulder guiding me through these doors anyway. He fills me with anticipation, hope, and sweet reassurance that He will provide everything that is needed to walk through these doors as long as I let Him lead. And with Him next to me, the hallway doesn't look so daunting and overbearing. Instead, the hallway becomes a place of possibilities and potential as I let God lead me through doors that I never would've entered on my own.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”  Isaiah 30:21

"I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:9-10

Hide // Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes.  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.

According to Merriam-Webster, "hide" means "to put out of sight; to conceal for shelter or protection; to keep secret; to screen from or as if from view; or to turn away in shame or anger."

It's a word that I know very well because I've spent most of my life hiding who I am in order to be what everyone wanted me to be so that I would be loved and accepted.

• I've spent my life hiding under the guise of perfection--crafting everything just so, practicing until I had nothing left, writing, rewriting and writing some more until the perfect words were on the paper, working long hours and giving not just 110% but 120%, doing whatever it took to to achieve whatever I thought would bring love and acceptance.
• I've spent my life hiding under the guise of doing--being so busy that I bury myself under what I do, finding my worth in what I produce and achieve so that the more I do, the more worthy I am, working so hard so I don't have to think or change or address the things that need working on. It's easier to do something other than unearth those dark hurting places in my heart that just want to be left alone.
• I've spent my life hiding under the guise of independence--trying so hard not to need people who only love when love is convenient, fighting back tears when they threaten to spill because I want to be strong, wrestling with God to give every.single.thing to Him because I know if I keep it, I can hide behind an illusion of control that feels safer than trusting Him completely. 

Hiding has gotten me no where. Instead, hiding leaves me stuck in the same places. Hiding robs relationships. Hiding hinders self-confidence. Hiding prevents God from restoring our lives. Hiding keeps us in darkness. 

But no more!

When God's light finally reaches the dark places, hiding is no longer possible because those dark places begin to long for more light. Light brings warmth to places that were once cold. It thaws out frozen hearts of hurt and pain, and light exposes areas that need a healing touch that no one but God would ever understand. God's rays of light reach those deep places that crave unconditional love, acceptance, and approval and leave me knowing without a doubt that I can't go back. The only way to live is in the Light. Today, the only place I want to hide is in the shadow of God's wings. 

"Keep me as the apple of Your eye; Hide me under the shadow of Your wings."  Psalm 17:8

~Sorry, that was more 9 minutes instead of 5...was on a roll!  ;) ~

Tomorrow // Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes.  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/. 

This week's word is "tomorrow."

I have a love-hate relationship with the word tomorrow.  In one way, "tomorrow" is such a word of hope.  In another way, it's a word of justification.

Tomorrow brings a promise of newness, a day of starting over, a day of making better choices.  It's a day of victory, surprises, expectations, and moments in which to see God in the details.

Tomorrow brings another round of excuses, another day to put off what needs attention, more time to delay change.  It's a day of being noncommittal and thinking that there will always be tomorrow in which we can work on ourselves, our relationship with God, or our relationship with others.  

However, God has been teaching me that He is in control of our tomorrows. He has plans and desires for our tomorrows that far surpass ours. He doesn't want tomorrow be another day of "nothingness" where we merely exist and run from one thing to another. He wants our tomorrow to be a day of purpose, of becoming what He wants us to be, and of living with intentionality. 

Tomorrow is a gift. We don't know how many tomorrows we have or what will even happen tomorrow. But I'm tired of the excuses, of rationalizing why I'm still stuck in the same places, of why many things seem to move forward and I'm still hanging out on the outskirts.

I want to end today with the promise and hope of tomorrow, of knowing that change is possible, that God can be trusted, and that I can rest in His promises of restoration and transformation.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

“Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19