Only One Household Matters...

Last Sunday, our pastor focused on the role of women and referred to Proverbs 31.  He said one thing that rendered me speechless as the truth of that verse (and all the supporting verses that instantly rushed to mind) sunk in.  This week, I've tried not to think about the implications of that verse and even tried to rationalize it away, but the Spirit kept bringing it to mind over and over again.  There was nothing left to do but throw my hands up in resignation because it's not going way until it's addressed!  (You know how it is!)

Proverbs 31:27 -- "She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness."

The part that stuck out the most was Proverbs 31:27a as the pastor briefly mentioned that if a woman is watching over her household, she is not caught up in gossip.  Think about it, if she's watching over her own household, she doesn't have the time nor energy to get involved in the gossip, drama, mom/homeschool competition, and what's going on at so-and-so's house. 

I was floored this week to see just how much I worry about everyone else's household on top of mine and just how many things I tend to take on that aren't mine to bear.  It seemed like every time I read a Facebook status this week, I had an unwritten comment or thought for everything!  Yet this week, every time I thought something, I heard this little voice saying, "Is that watching over YOUR household or someone else's?"  *sigh* 

It was an instant red flag to stop and capture each thought.  It was rather sickening to see just how much I inwardly cast judgment or how I concerned myself with how other people are (or aren't) raising their children or how I worried about how many Christians refuse to see the light on social, political, religious and/or household issues or how much it bothered me to see so many moms wishing away these snow days and time with their children. 

It's been an eye-opening week as I fought between the old way versus God's way.  However, based on this week alone, I discovered the following things.

Whenever I watch over my own household:

• a lot of things that I think matter, really don't.
• a massive amount of mental space opens up because I'm not worried about everyone else (that also turns into physical energy).
• we have more fun because my mind is focused on my family so I'm not worried about what others think. 
• more love flows through our home because I'm not bogged down in everyone else's problems and taking that stress out on those I love. 
• my family is my priority and I can keep saying "no" because I know I'm doing what God wants me to do.
• God gives us the wisdom to know what needs of others He wants us to address versus the needs that someone else can take care of (Prov 31:20).
• I have peace and confidence that watching over my own household is a direct command from the Lord and anything (attitude, person, activity, etc.) that takes away from that is not from God.   

It'll be a battle until the full implications of Proverbs 31:27 are firmly rooted in my mind.  Until then, this is quickly becoming one of the most valuable tools in my arsenal as it helps free up my mind in big ways so I can more fully love God and love others, especially my family. 

A Different Kind of Church Split

In a world that constantly pulls families apart through busy schedules, sports, activities, education, careers and entertainment, I can't help but notice how much our churches inadvertently pull families apart as well.  While it's not intentional and usually for explainable reasons, we have been astounded at the lack of co-ed Sunday School classes or Wednesday night classes in many churches in our area.

We've been visiting quite a few churches over the months looking for a home church and had no clue just how unfamily-friendly most of our Baptist churches are.  And the sad part is, I don't even think many Christians even see what the problem is with churches offering so many men's-only and women's-only classes and the unspoken messages it sends to our children and to the world.  It blows my mind how a family of five can go to church and all five family members have their own classes to attend, from birth right through adult.  Am sure if pet sitting was available, the family dog or cat would even have a place to go as well.

Sometimes I wonder if the reason why there are so many men-only or women-only classes and hardly any couples/co-ed classes is because so many spouses go to church solo or go to church mainly for the kids programs and just attend a class while they are waiting for their kids.  Or maybe it's because of leadership as it's hard to find men or couples willing to lead a class.  Or maybe it's because we feel like we can somehow reach the community better if we divide up the groups in a church so it's not as threatening and overwhelming while at the same time failing to address the marriage crisis in America.  

For years, my husband and I have enjoyed going to church together.  It's our time to be together without the noise of the world bombarding us or trying to pull us apart.  It's our time to learn about God together and to challenge one another in the things that we have heard.  It's our time to reconnect, serve and hopefully be an example to others as we seek to serve God together as a family. 

In our normal week, my husband is gone over 40 hours a week.  When he comes home every night, we have dinner, spend time with our child before bed and then catch up on our things in the evenings before spending time together before we fall asleep.  Yet, it seems like that time together is never enough.  To me, desiring God and desiring to spend that time together with my spouse before God is so special and such a gift that it seems natural to want to go to church together, pray together, sit together and learn together.  Yet we've been discovering just how unnatural that is in today's society as we've been visiting churches that don't offer co-ed classes except for the Sunday morning worship service.  How have we as a church gotten so far away from God's original design for both the family and the church?

I was reminded this week in my son's devotions about the little boy who shared his lunch with Jesus and fed the 5,000 men plus all of the women and children that were present.  Then, I started flipping through the pages in my son's Bible and noticed that that nearly every time there was a crowd around Jesus, it wasn't segregated as the Bible gives info on the crowd makeup (men, women, children).  Sure, there were times when Jesus met alone with men or where women got together on their own, but the fact remains that whenever Jesus taught in a public crowd setting, it was a setting of all ages, genders, marital statuses and races.  Anyone who wanted to hear Jesus could come...His "pulpit" was simply open.

What would happen if our churches got back to how Jesus taught and instead of separating out the husbands and wives brought them back together to learn, worship and sit at Jesus's feet together again?  How would it strengthen and encourage marriages and families as whole instead of as individual units merely coexisting together under one roof?  These questions keep running through my mind as, once again, my husband and I found a neat church but have to enjoy it separately instead of together (or be the only couple under the age of 60 in a co-ed class). 

I don't know what the answer is, but I know that God has given our family a desire to worship Him and serve Him together and we can't afford to settle for anything less than that when it comes to church.  

The Ninja Turtle Mask Memory

Some memories will forever be etched into my mind.  These memories combine special moments with sadness, extreme empathy with tears, and despair with promises of a better tomorrow for we are not alone.

To have seen my child’s back unexpectedly explode in dots as he reacted to 16 of 20 environmental allergens in his skin test just days before Christmas sent me right back to the moment three years ago when we found out that he could potentially die if he ate another peanut.  A range of unexplainable emotions filled my heart as I saw my completely normal looking, happy-go-lucky, energetic little boy playing with his DS completely unaware of what was going on behind him.  How I wanted to hug away all the challenges that his future holds, the heartaches that will come as he experiences teasing, bullying and being selective in those he dates, and then all the hesitations I see him forming because he’s not sure if his allergies will keep him from doing something he really wants to do, again.  How I wanted to question God knowing that He can take all of this way, He can put our lives back into order and He can take this stress away.  Yet, I couldn't fully question because I know He has a distinct path for my son and our family to follow, so I found a way to trustfully question.

As much as I want to have my tantrum, I have to stop and remind myself of all the blessings that have come with all of NoNut’s allergies, of all the things that his allergies have taught us and the ways that his allergies have opened our eyes to others who struggle with things they cannot change.  It’s taught me that life isn’t always served on a silver platter like I’m used to--it’s all too real when it’s your own flesh and blood rather than a shared prayer request by someone in church.  But, his allergies have also taught me that there are moments when all we can do is cry and it’s really okay to do that.  There are moments that we will be upset.  And there are moments that we don’t know how we’re going handle these new challenges, but somehow, we simply know that God is going to help us through it even if it's one day at a time. 

I will never forget the Ninja Turtle moment we had this morning in our driveway.  We had another situation where NoNut left his epipens in the car and they were a chunk of ice when we found them this morning.  This meant that NoNut would have to help pay for the new set of epipens as a consequence. (Don’t worry, we have spare pairs scattered around the house but needed another pair for our upcoming vacation!)   It pained me to have to follow through with this consequence as I know how hard he's been trying to save his money.  I was soooo torn between the motherly instinct of protecting my son and being his care taker versus showing him tough love by following through with the named consequence knowing it would be another tool in helping him learn (the hard way) that he has to own his allergy.

When I walked out to the car, NoNut was sitting in his car seat with his Ninja Turtle shell and mask on with knowing eyes that would not meet mine.   The verse I read moments before came to mind, “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose!”  Proverbs 18:21 (MSG)  How I responded was going to make a big difference as to how teachable this moment would be.

As I counted NoNut’s Christmas money that went from his bank to my purse for the new epipens, he lowered his Ninja Turtle mask over his face to hide his emotion.  Yet, the mask failed to hide tears in the corners of his eyes.  As he looked at me, all I saw was this enormous green face w/a chintzy white smile yet sad little eyes filled with as much emotion as I had last week as I saw his back after the skin test. 

These little eyes were filled with a weight that is much too big for any child to carry.  His eyes pleaded for me not to take his money yet turned into eyes that were defeated and lost.  How my heart broke and tears instantly flowed.  All I could do was sink down onto the van floor and just hold my little boy and whisper reassurances to him through the tears and pray the “God, I don’t know how to do this” prayer with my arms tightly wrapped around my child, rocking him as our tears fell in unison.  Though he had that tough Ninja Turtle exterior, my little boy was crumbling on the inside more than I ever knew he was.

He has been through a lot the past few months.  NoNut lost a lot of security when he faced the nut situations at one of the places he never questioned, church!  He’s seen the cost of being different in a place where all should be accepted.  He has heard adults say things about him and to him that made him feel like it’s his fault for having allergies as if he should somehow be able to help it.  He’s been accidentally offered unsafe things by people he trusted.  And he’s been given more Christmas candy that he couldn’t eat and has had to say “no thank you” more times this season than he’s ever wanted to. 

How do I explain to a six year old that God gave him his allergies for a purpose?  How do I explain all the ways God has already used my child’s allergies for His good?  How do I explain to him the dangers of letting our guard down or staying silent when we should say something?  How do I let him be a normal kid when there are a couple things about him that set him apart?  How do I even raise a child with 28 different allergies (food and environmental) and not cave under all the stress that comes with it?  How do I advocate for my child and teach him to advocate for himself as well?  How do I protect him while letting him go all at the same time?  Most importantly, how do I let this little boy know that he is soooo incredibly loved and cherished, that he is a miracle and a true gift from God and that his allergies don’t change who he is regardless of what others say?   

The Ninja Turtle mask can hide everything but the tears, the love, the hugs and the sweet assurances that even though we really don’t know how to walk this path, we will walk it with each other with God next to our side.  Such a big burden for a little child and such heaviness for this weary mom who is overwhelmed by life’s curve balls as I see more of his test results and realize all over again the severity of his allergies.  But the Ninja Turtle mask memory is such a sweet memory as mother and son connect with each other's heart and minister to each other in a way that most will never get to experience.  Like all the other allergy tests and results, we will adjust and we will keep finding creative alternatives and we will trust, for that is the only thing we can do.  Can't imagine living this kind of allergy life without God walking it with us!