Meet // Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes.  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  This week's word is "meet".

Meet!  lol, that word reminds me of this week when I met my voice teacher for the first time. Yes, voice lessons!!! It's one of the craziest, riskiest, most vulnerable things I've ever done. I'd rather stand in front of a large crowd and speak on any topic than stand in front of someone and open my mouth and sing. And there are moments when I think birthing another child would be easier than singing (yes, it's true).

For many, many years, my mind has been programmed not to sing because I let criticism keep me in silence. I've hidden behind other musical abilities so I wouldn't have to sing. One of my friends told me yesterday that she feels as if I've lied to her about singing, and I've been quite convicted about that. I've always been careful to say that I "don't sing" instead of "can't sing" because there is a slight difference between don't and can't. Honestly though, it's been more of a story of "won't sing".

However, as I move forward in life and in this healing process, God is asking me to sing once again, to open up to the music that is always in my heart (and in the shower and the car and in the public places where I forget that people can't hear my MP3 and are hearing me instead...embarrassing), and to go back to the things that I loved doing before Satan's lies and people's voices drowned out my music. To sing again is such symbolism of opening myself up to God. It means seeing my weaknesses and actually owning up to them. It means relying on God and others rather than myself to grow and succeed. It means jumping over all the hurdles in my mind that tell me why taking voice lessons at this age is the dumbest idea and that it's a totally frivolous activity and I'd be better off taking flute or piano lessons instead. Singing is taking an impossibility and getting to the point of being open enough to let God do with it whatever He wants.

For me, singing is an act of courage, of rising confidence, of healing, of restoration, and of trust as I let go of all the things that keep me from going there with God. These voice lessons aren't about singing as much as they are about obedience and taking steps of faith in being vulnerable before God and others. It's a lesson in learning to be led and instructed rather than always doing the leading and instructing. It's of knowing my inadequacies and moving forward in spite of them. It's a challenge to be met and one that is already proving to be quite a stretching experience just after the first lesson.

Singing is the avenue where the heart and worship meet (Psalm 96:1-4). To regain confidence in singing would be a picture of unhindered worship...of raw vulnerability where talent and ability don't matter as much as the music that arises from the journey of a heart that's finally vulnerable before God.

Meet.

Oh, sing to the Lord a new song!
Sing to the Lord, all the earth.
Sing to the Lord, bless His name;
Proclaim the good news of His salvation from day to day.
Declare His glory among the nations,
His wonders among all peoples.
For the Lord is great and greatly to be praised;
He is to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the peoples are idols,
but the Lord made the heavens.
Honor and majesty are before Him;
Strength and beauty are in His sanctuary.
Psalm 96:1-4