Hide // Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday (#FMFparty) gives writers a word prompt. We are encouraged to write whatever comes to mind about that word in just five minutes.  No editing, no perfection, only writing from the heart.  To find out more, visit http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.

According to Merriam-Webster, "hide" means "to put out of sight; to conceal for shelter or protection; to keep secret; to screen from or as if from view; or to turn away in shame or anger."

It's a word that I know very well because I've spent most of my life hiding who I am in order to be what everyone wanted me to be so that I would be loved and accepted.

• I've spent my life hiding under the guise of perfection--crafting everything just so, practicing until I had nothing left, writing, rewriting and writing some more until the perfect words were on the paper, working long hours and giving not just 110% but 120%, doing whatever it took to to achieve whatever I thought would bring love and acceptance.
• I've spent my life hiding under the guise of doing--being so busy that I bury myself under what I do, finding my worth in what I produce and achieve so that the more I do, the more worthy I am, working so hard so I don't have to think or change or address the things that need working on. It's easier to do something other than unearth those dark hurting places in my heart that just want to be left alone.
• I've spent my life hiding under the guise of independence--trying so hard not to need people who only love when love is convenient, fighting back tears when they threaten to spill because I want to be strong, wrestling with God to give every.single.thing to Him because I know if I keep it, I can hide behind an illusion of control that feels safer than trusting Him completely. 

Hiding has gotten me no where. Instead, hiding leaves me stuck in the same places. Hiding robs relationships. Hiding hinders self-confidence. Hiding prevents God from restoring our lives. Hiding keeps us in darkness. 

But no more!

When God's light finally reaches the dark places, hiding is no longer possible because those dark places begin to long for more light. Light brings warmth to places that were once cold. It thaws out frozen hearts of hurt and pain, and light exposes areas that need a healing touch that no one but God would ever understand. God's rays of light reach those deep places that crave unconditional love, acceptance, and approval and leave me knowing without a doubt that I can't go back. The only way to live is in the Light. Today, the only place I want to hide is in the shadow of God's wings. 

"Keep me as the apple of Your eye; Hide me under the shadow of Your wings."  Psalm 17:8

~Sorry, that was more 9 minutes instead of 5...was on a roll!  ;) ~